Pieces of youth
by MissMadtastic
Summary: He's her first love. She's his first girlfriend. He fucks it up. She keeps the secret. Years pass before they see each other again and now that secret has grown. Will the fire between them reignite or will it die out and cause a whole other storm of it's own? EXB. Romance. Angst. Drama. Teens. Adults. Love. Hate. Dickward.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!_**

**_Song: Shut your eyes- Snow Patrol  
_**

* * *

_Summer 2009.  
_

The sun against my skin was unlike anything I had ever felt.

The sky was so blue and cloudless. It was incredible. Maybe it was because I had been stuck in Forks, Washington for the school year but Florida just seemed so much more... _amazing _to me at that moment. Of course I had been to Florida before. My parents and I would go every summer. As soon as school ended in June, we were off in a jet plane toward sunny sunshine happy Florida and wouldn't go back to dreary old Forks until the end of August. Our summer house was incredible; by the beach and beautiful. I wished I could just stay there. I was three years away from becoming an adult and I knew once I hit eighteen, I would move to Florida.

I tugged off my shirt and short shorts; running across the sand to get to the ocean. I waded in until the water came up to my waist. I floated against the clear blue water and closed my eyes in contentment. _This was heaven_, had to be. I wanted to stay in the ocean all day but my mom had other ideas as she shouted for me to come in. I sighed, annoyed, and swam back toward shore. I pulled my short shorts on, wet and sandy, before covering my bikini top with my white tank. I ran back toward the house, sinking into the sand as I did.

"Honey," I heard my mom's voice as I entered the house, "I want you to meet our new neighbors."

As soon as I rounded the corner and went into the living room, I saw a family standing next to my parents. There was a guy that looked a couple years older than I was and a girl who looked my age. The mother was beautiful, strawberry blonde hair and blue/grey eyes; she was short and slender. The father was tall with dark hair and green eyes. This family... this family was strangely beautiful. The guy had this red/brown hair (I guess a mixture of his parents) and blue/green eyes. The girl looked exactly like her father with dark hair and green eyes; she was tiny, shorter than I was.

"This is my daughter, Bella; Bella, this is the Masen's," My mom introduced.

My mom was a beautiful woman too. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world but didn't every little girl? Her hair, long and light brown, was always straight without her even trying. Her eyes were this clear blue that I was always jealous of. She was all legs and slender waist. My mom, gorgeous and amazing. I never understood why she was with my father. Don't get me wrong, my dad was a great man but he was just... so straight laced.

He was the police commissioner of Seattle. He worked hard to get to that position. He always had promised my mom a great life. He was tall, super freaking tall, like over six feet and stick thin. He had chocolate brown hair and brown eyes. He could be scary when he wanted to be but usually he was a teddy bear; giving me whatever I wanted because I was his baby girl. He was the greatest man I had ever know. When my mom got pregnant at eighteen, he stayed with her; promising her a family. That's what he gave her. A family. We were a happy, little family; just the three of us.

I looked like my dad. I had his chocolate eyes and brown hair that some times turned red in the sunlight; instead of it being straight like my mom's it was wavy. I had my mom's legs, thankfully, even though I was short and probably wouldn't get any taller. I was thin with a small amount of cleavage. My skin was pale and even though I spent my life out in the sun, I never got any darker. I thought I was pretty enough. All the guys back home thought so but that could be because there wasn't a lot to choose from.

"Nice to meet you, Bella, I'm Esme, you don't have to call me Mrs. Masen," She smiled sweetly, "And this is my husband, Edward Senior; Alice, my daughter, and Edward, my son," She pointed to everyone.

Something about Mr. Masen rubbed me the wrong way. I knew I wouldn't be calling him by his first name and I would try to avoid him at all times if possible. He held my eye contact for a little too long; I looked away first.

The girl, Alice, smiled sweetly at me, "Hi, Bella," She greeted me.

I smiled back, thinking she was cute, "Hi, Alice," I said back.

"You wanna go do something?" She asked, hopeful.

"My cousin, Rosalie, is coming over soon, you wanna go to the town with her? They always have stupid tourists and we can go yell at them," I suggested.

My dad sighed heavily, "Isabella. Don't you get Alice in trouble with your antics," He said.

"Daddy," I started in my best 'sweet' voice, "We're not going to get into trouble, I promise." Then I grabbed Alice's hand and we took off upstairs toward my room.

"My cousin Emmett is coming over too," She told me as she looked around my room.

"Oh yeah? Maybe he and Rosalie will fall in love," I teased.

She laughed too, "My brother... he has his eye on you, I would be careful," She warned me.

"Why? What's so scary about him?" I wondered.

She made eye contact with me, "When he sees something he wants, he always gets it."

.

.

.

P.O.Y

.

.

.

Alice and I were jamming out to Justin Timberlake in my room as we waited for Rosalie to get here.

"_Don't be so quick to walk away, dance with me, I wanna rock your body, please stay, dance with me, you don't have to admit you wanna play, dance with me, just let me rock you, till the break of day, dance with me_!" We sang.

Rosalie decided to burst into my room at that moment; making Alice and me scream and then laugh.

"Jeez, Rose! You gave me a heart attack!" I screamed over the music.

She went over to the radio and turned it down, "Listen, bitch, you know better than to listen to JT without me," She growled and then smiled as she jumped on me.

I squealed happily, "I missed you, Cuz!" I gasped for air as she tickled me to death.

"I missed you too! Now, who's this bitch?" She asked as she looked at Alice.

I sat up, still breathing hard, "This is Alice Masen, her parents bought the place next door, their our new neighbors," I explained.

Rosalie, her halo of blonde hair still perfect, looked over at Alice, her icy blue eyes hard, "What's up? I'm Rosalie but don't call me that, call me Rose," She stated.

Alice held Rose's gaze before smirking, "Call me Ali," She finally said.

Rose smiled, breaking her ice queen act, "Cool." And then she started, "Who is that hunk downstairs?" She asked.

Ali shook her, "You mean my brother, Edward?" She asked; looking nauseated.

Rose's face scrunched up, "No, I met him, the other one, he's all muscular and hot," She described.

Ali smirked, "That would be my cousin, Emmett," She said and met my eyes.

As soon as our eyes connected, I busted out laughing.

"What?" Rose asked, clueless.

"Nothing," I shook my head, "You wanna go to the town and yell at tourists?" I asked.

She nodded, "Hell yeah, we need to get Ali comfortable with this town," She snorted.

"Let's go see if the guys will come with us, Emmett has his own car," Ali said and we followed her downstairs.

Emmett was good-looking but too muscular for my taste. He had dark, almost black hair, and brown eyes. He was tall, like Edward, but so much bulkier.

"Hey, Emm!" Ali greeted him and jumped on him.

He caught her and spun her around, "What's up, small fry?" He had a nice smile.

"Nothing, you wanna go to the town with us?" She asked and then looked back at Rose.

Something happened between the two of them and Rose stepped closer to Emmett.

"Hey, Emmett, I'm Rose," She bit her lip and looked up at him with her big blue eyes.

He was a goner.

"H-Hey, Rose, what's up?" He stuttered but then recovered.

"I really wanna go to the town, you wanna come... with us?" She breathed.

His mouth dropped open, "Yeah, let's go, come on," He rushed and reached his hand out to grab hers.

I covered my mouth with my hand; giggling.

"Come with us Edward," Ali encouraged.

"Nah," He spoke for the first time, "I'm good."

"Don't be a loser, come on, it'll be fun," She glared at him.

He glared back at her before looking at me, "You cool with that?" He asked.

My eyes went wide, "S-sure," I didn't know why he was asking me.

He smirked like he knew what he was doing to me, "Cool, let's go 'yell' at people."

Yelling at tourists turned out to be a lot more fun with the guys.

We would roll down the window and scream stuff. Edward would scream scary stuff, especially if it was an older man walking. Emmett would scream funny stuff. Later on, when we got back to my house, our parents said that they would be over at the Masen's house for a little while; leaving all of us by ourselves. Rose, of course, got the great idea of playing 'I've never' but with our clothes. Drake was playing in the background, singing about the best he ever had.

"Okay, bitches! I'll start first, I've never had sex in public," She said boldly and I smirked as Edward and Emmett both took off their shirts, "Now you, Bella."

I cringed when everyone's eyes turned to me, "Okay... I've never shoplifted," I said and watched as, yet again, both Edward and Emmett took of an article of clothing.

I wasn't surprised when Rose took off her tank. I just rolled my eyes.

"I call bullshit, Isabella! You stole that pack of gum!" Rose accused.

"Okay but I returned it, like, five minutes later!" I shook my head as my voice rose.

She laughed loudly, "Okay, that's true, the lady was all, 'You no pay!' and you were like, 'I know! I'm sorry!' and like threw the gum at her and ran," She said in between laughs.

"Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes, "We were twelve."

"Yeah, yeah, age doesn't matter, you still shoplifted, you take off a piece of clothing," She demanded.

I huffed, "Fine," I snapped and took off my tank.

Emmett cat-called at me; making me blush.

"Shut up, Emm!" I threw my shirt at him.

"Nice," Edward said lowly.

I blushed even harder; my face on fire and looked down, smiling to myself.

It was Edward's turn then, "I've never fucked a dude," He said and then smirked.

Rose slipped off her white sailor shorts; leaving her in her hot pink bikini bottoms.

Emmett raised his eyebrows at her, "Really?" He asked, kinda surprised.

She popped the gum she was chewing, "Yep, freshman year," She said; sounding oddly proud.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me and I turned to meet his gaze. Our eyes locked and I shook my head.

"Never?" He asked.

I shook my head again.

"Why?" He wondered.

We were having our own secret conversation.

"I'm sixteen, what's the rush?" I replied.

"I was fourteen," He said cockily.

I shook my head, "I figured you'd be like that," I sighed.

"Like what?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Cocky and proud of being a man-whore," I said bluntly.

He raised a brow, "A man-whore? You don't know who or how many girls I've slept with," He said.

"Oh, but I do, girls talk remember and so does your sister..." I trailed off.

He looked mad as he stood up, "Fuck this! I'm out! Come on, Emm!" He growled and stormed off.

Emmett didn't follow though; he stayed with Rose.

Ali looked over at me, eyes wide, "What did you say to him?" She asked.

"The truth."

She smiled, a secret smile, "You and I are going to be great friends, Bella."

And I knew we would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!_**

**_Song: Starry eyed- Ellie Goulding  
_**

* * *

_Summer 2009.  
_

Weeks.

That's how long it had been since Edward had spoken to me. He just wouldn't say anything to me; he would glance my way but wouldn't say one word. I felt so much with that one glance; when we made eye contact the butterflies in my stomach would burst alive. He was bad, I knew that, but that's why I wanted him so much. I told Alice about my feelings, even though I knew it was awkward since it was her brother. I couldn't help it though, I wanted him- Edward.

I finally broke the silence between us one hot Sunday afternoon, "Look, Edward, can we stop this?" I demanded with my hands on my hips.

He looked up, his dark sunglasses covering his beautiful eyes, and smirked at me, "Stop what?" He played dumb.

I raised a brow, "Don't fuck with me, Masen, you know what I'm talking about, this whole avoiding me thing, it's stupid," I stated.

He nodded slowly, "Okay. Let's not avoid each other then; say your sorry and...show me your tit," He took off his sunglasses.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm sorry I told you the truth and I'm not showing you my tit," I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Give me a kiss then," His bright green eyes were locked on mine.

I sighed dramatically again, "Come here," I commanded.

He moved slowly, standing up. He was in my face then; I could feel his breath on my skin. He titled his head; silently telling me to kiss him. I leaned toward him and closed my eyes as our lips connected. The butterflies exploded inside of me; making me want to throw up. He was a great kisser; the way his hands traced up my throat made me want to shiver. I lifted my arms and circled them around his neck; wanting to hold him to me.

"Edward," I whispered his name against his lips.

He smiled against mine and brushed my hair back out of my face, "Be with me, Bella."

"Yes."

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

After that kiss with Edward, it was like we had our own secret world.

I didn't understand him. He was complicated and some times it scared me. Most of the time it scared me. I knew there was something going on with Edward's family. His dad was a scary man. He could scare me with just one look but no one would say anything about it. Even Edward's mom was hush hush about it. She would just blame it on his job or he had a hard day. Bull. He was just mean.

"Edward," I whispered as we were lying next to each other in my small bed, "Please, tell me what he does to you."

He shifted; stretching out his long legs, "He doesn't do shit to me, Bella, nothing I can't handle," He said.

He was always like that, playing it off or saying that he could handle it when I knew he couldn't. He had bruises and I knew his dad was responsible.

I brushed his hair out of his face, "We could leave; run away together and start over," I suggested.

He chewed on his lip; actually thinking about it, "I can't leave Ali," He finally whispered.

"She can come with us," I whispered back.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. Our conversation over.

He never pressured me for sex. He was sweet about me wanting to wait but I told him I wanted him to be my first. He looked nervous, which surprised me but I thought was nice. He didn't want to hurt me. He wanted to make sure everything was okay for me. He told me his fears of hurting me but of wanting to be the first one to touch me, kiss me, make me feel alive. Which he already did. I trusted him, though I knew my heart and my mind were telling me two different things. My mind telling me that he couldn't be trusted but my heart told me to give him everything and to let him keep it. I wanted him in the strongest way, I wasn't ready though.

"I like the way you look at me," I told him.

Edward's blue/green eyes were the only thing seen in the dark room, "You make me feel things I've never felt before," He told me.

I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and he traced his fingers down my cheek; leaving a burning trail of heat in it's path.

"Please, Edward," I said; my voice shaky and small.

"What, baby?" My body was crushed against his and I could feel his racing heart.

"Don't hurt me."

He sighed, "I'm not perfect, Bella, I'm going to fuck up... can you handle that?" He wondered.

"I can handle it, Edward, because I want you, I want you... always," I told him as I placed my palm against his warm cheek.

"Always is a long time, what if you get tired of me before that?" He asked me.

"Never, Edward, I could never get tired of you, you... you make me happy and I never know what's going to happen when I'm with you, it's exciting," I said.

He chuckled, "So you're only with me because I give you a rush?" He teased.

I shoved his chest but he grabbed my hands and brought them to his mouth; kissing me.

"I want to be with you always too, Bella."

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

Memories of summer with Edward were scattered across my mind like pictures on a coffee table.

I didn't want it to end but slowly summer started to drift away; bringing fall closer. The days were shorter; the sun disappearing as soon as it appeared.

"What am I going to do without you for a whole year?" I asked him as I circled my arms around his neck.

He smiled, his lips against my cheek, "Be mine, don't fuck with any guys," He mumbled.

"I swear, I'll wear a ring even to let people know that I'm taken; that I'm yours," I said.

"Here," He pulled off this ring, "This was my grandpas, it's a claddagh ring, you wear the crown facing you when you're taken and away from you when you're single," He explained and slid it onto my ring finger. "You're mine."

I smiled as I stared at the ring, "It's beautiful, Edward," I laughed then, "I feel like you just purposed to me."

He smiled back at me, "Inside the ring, it says something, read it to me?" He asked.

I pulled the ring off and looked inside at the fine, cursive writing, "It says, 'Forever is just the beginning'," I read; feeling my cheeks burn.

He nodded and slid the ring back on my finger, "This is where forever lives, Bella," He said and rested my hand on his chest.

My eyes watered and I put his hand on my chest, "Forever." I pulled him to me and kissed him with everything I had.

Getting on the plane for Washington was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didn't look back, couldn't, because I would've seen Edward's frowning face as I left him. I promised to keep in touch. We could text everyday. I promised Alice also and I couldn't break that promise; she wouldn't let me.

The plane slowly descended and I felt a weird tightness in my chest.

"See you next summer." Was the last thing Edward said to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please! One more thing, please go to Rainy Mood . com. It just fits the scene perfectly! Thanks!  
_**

**_Songs: Roslyn- Tristan Clopet (Bon Iver & St. Vincent cover)  
_**

**_Colorblind- Counting Crows  
_**

**_Pull me out from inside  
I am ready  
I am ready  
I am ready  
I am...fine  
I am covered in skin  
No one gets to come in  
Pull me out from inside  
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding  
I am  
colorblind._**

* * *

_Fall 2009.  
_

The school year started.

My birthday came and went. I was seventeen now. I went through the motions, going to school every day and seeing my friends. I did my homework like a good student but really all I could think about was Edward._ What he was doing at the moment. If he missed me. How he was._ We kept in contact though; texting everyday.

Edward: Hey

Bella: Hey (:

Edward: What's up?

Bella: Nothing. Just got home and doing homework. You?

Edward: Same /: What did you do today? Talk to any guys?

Bella: -_- Don't you trust me?

Edward: Of course. I just don't trust the guys.

Bella: The guys that I'm friends with aren't like that, Edward. Jeez.

Edward: So you have been hanging with guys. Typical.

Bella: EXCUSE ME? What are you implying? That I'm being a slut? I'm still a fucking virgin, Edward. You can stick your fucking finger in me and see for yourself instead of acting this way and treating me like I'm a piece of shit.

Edward: Calm down. I didn't say you were a slut. You're putting words in my mouth now.

Bella: No, I'm not. You implied it. Don't treat me like a fucking idiot too, Edward.

Edward: Jesus, is it that time of the month?

Bella: |: I hate you.

Edward: No, you don't (;

Bella: Ugh.

Edward: New Picture Message.

Bella: Thanks, that's what I've always wanted. *Rolling eyes*

Edward: I thought you might like that (; he's missed you.

Bella: Lolololol. I miss your face, Edward.

Edward: New Picture Message.

Bella: Ahhh. Thank you, babe! I love it! You're so handsome (:

Edward: One of you?

Bella: New Picture Message.

Edward: Damn...new panties?

Bella: Yeah... do you like? C:

Edward: Definitely. No new bras?

Bella: New Picture Message.

Edward: God damn, baby! I miss you.

Bella: I miss you, too. You're not hanging out with any girls... right?

Edward: Listen, my mom's calling me to help her with dinner. Text you after?

Bella: 'Course. Later.

Edward: Text you later, baby.

Every time I would ask Edward if he was hanging with other girls he would change the subject which definitely made me think he was fucking with other girls. I was being one hundred percent faithful to him. Did I trust him? No. Did I want to? Yes. We would have fights about it all the time. About me not being able to trust him. I couldn't help it though. He acted shady as fuck and all my friends would same the thing; it wasn't just me. I texted Ali too. I had to talk to her. She was my best friend and I missed her so badly.

Bella: How's your bro doing for real?

Ali: Shitty. My dad's a dick, you know?

Bella: Edward's been a real dick to me lately. Accusing me of fucking with other guys.

Ali: He's just scared that he's going to lose you. We're far away from each other ):

Bella: But not forever. Summer will be here again soon. I'm gonna try to convince my parents to let me go there for winter break.

Ali: Reallllllllly? Do you think they'll say yes?

Bella: Hope so. I'm gonna ask them now. Ask my mom first because she says yes, it means yes. She's the boss. Lol.

Ali: Go ask!

Bella: K. BRB.

I went downstairs. My phone heavy in my pocket.

"Mommy?" I called as I entered the kitchen.

She was standing by the sink; washing dishes, "Yes, baby?" She asked but didn't turn around.

"Do you think, maybe, we could go to Florida for winter break?" I asked her, hopeful.

Her body shifted slightly, "Hmm. I'll talk to daddy about it but I don't see why not," She said.

I squealed. I couldn't help it. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Thank you, mom! I've gotta call Ali and tell her!" I shouted as I ran back upstairs.

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

It had already snowed before we left for Florida.

It usually started snowing in November and lasted in March, even April some times, which totally sucked. It was already snowing because it was, after all, the middle of December. That didn't matter though because I was going to Florida, to see my best friend and... boyfriend? I was excited and happy! We were going to spend Christmas with them! I saw my dad loading up the presents. Eeeeeeeee! The cab pulled up to the familiar house and I jumped before he had stopped fully; making my dad shout at me. I couldn't wait though. I saw Ali and had to get to her. I kicked off my shoes; my feet sinking in the sand as I ran toward her. She caught me with a grunt as I flung myself at her.

She laughed breathlessly, "I fucking missed you!" She held me tightly.

"I fucking missed you, too!" I replied as I squeezed her.

When we released each other, I looked around; searching for Edward.

"Edward?" As soon as I said his name, he came rushing down the stairs of their porch in his bare feet.

I stopped breathing and when he caught me and swung me around, I started to cry. Happy tears, of course.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, his face red and beautiful.

"Because I missed you so fucking much!" I sobbed; hiding my face in his neck.

"Well, we're together now," He whispered and kissed me so sweetly I thought I would die.

As my parents caught up with the Masens, I started to plan out my night with Edward.

"Tonight, Edward?" I whispered into his ear.

He pulled back, still smiling and happy, and looked at me. When I didn't say anything; just kept staring, he asked, "Are you sure?"

I was. I was so fucking sure. I knew it had to be him; had to be with him. Everything was him and I didn't know if it somehow fix him or make his life a little better but I wanted to try.

So I nodded.

I spent the rest of the day with Ali. Catching up with her and everything that had happened with her. She had a lot of drama in her school here in Florida.

"So, my dad and Edward got into a huge fight... they didn't know I was around the corner but I saw my dad hit Edward, like, really hard and Edward fell to the ground; he didn't cry, he just sat there on the floor," She whispered, her cheek on her knee as we sat on the beach.

"Does your dad ever hit you, Ali?" I asked, looking at her out of the corner of my eye.

I saw the tears streaming down her cheeks as she shook her head no, "He hates Edward; I don't know why," Her breath caught.

I turned and hugged her to me, "Shh, Ali, everything will be okay, I promise."

We stayed out on the beach until the sun started going down and it randomly started raining. It didn't bother us though.

"I know what you're planning to do with Edward," She said quietly. I just stared at her. "I don't think you should, Bella."

I shook my head, "I... I think I love him, Al, for real, I've never felt like this about anyone before; he's the only one I'll take shit from; I know we've only been 'together' for a couple of months but I feel it, I feel like I could be with him, you know, forever," I tried to explain my feelings but the skeptical look on her face told me she wasn't buying it.

"Some times we let our emotions get in the way of being able to see things clearly," She whispered, "If this is what you want to do then do it but I don't think it's a good idea," She paused, "Tell your parents that you're spending the night with me." She said before turning and walking into her house; leaving me gawking.

Later, after I told my parents I was sleeping over with Ali, I sneaked into Edward's room.

He was lying on his stomach in a pair of grey sweat pants that hung low on his body. I took a minute to ogle him before knocking softly on his wooden door frame. His head popped up from his book and he smirked.

"Hey," He purred.

I bit my lip and walked into his room; closing the door behind me, before saying, "Hey."

His hands rubbed up and down my bare arms, "You okay?" He asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm great." I could hear the rain hitting the window.

"We don't have to do this, Bella," He told me seriously.

"But I want too, Edward, I want it to be with you, I want it to be you," I said and wrapped my arms around his neck; standing on my toes and kissing him with everything I had inside me.

He brushed his fingertips across my skin; making me ache for him. We didn't speak and the only sounds that could be heard was the rain outside and our heavy breathing. He slid his finger underneath my tank top strap and pulled it down to kiss my sun-kissed shoulder. I might have moaned; I felt Edward's lips curve upward like he was proud of himself. He looked up at me for permission and I closed my eyes; moaning out a please. _Please touch me. Please kiss me. Please. Please. Please. Please. _He pulled my tank off and ran his fingers down my chest; skimping the tops of my breasts.

"Oh please," This time I knew I moaned. Loudly.

He didn't respond by words, he responded by dropping to his knees and kissing my belly. He looked up at me again before unbuttoning my jeans and tugging the down. I bit my lip as my navy bikini-styled panties came into view. He ran his finger across the band of them before dipping his fingers inside. When he touched my pussy, I let out an embarrassing mewl. I rested my hands on the tops of his shoulders; needing to feel his skin. My panties slid down my legs before I stepped out of them. He kissed my inner thigh; moving up to my hipbone. Everything inside of me was so tightly wound that I wanted to scream.

"Please, Edward, please," I begged.

He knew what I wanted and stood up. He lifted me and carried me to his bed; laying me down gently. I didn't know what to do with my hands so I kept them near my chest, awkwardly. He pulled them away and put them on his arms.

"Hold onto me," He spoke for the first time in minutes. He struggled with his sweat pants for a second before finally kicking them off.

He was wearing boxers. I couldn't help it, I looked down at his ginormous dick. That was going to fit into me? I could barely get a regular sized tampon in...

"Edward..." I was about to tell him my concerns but he already knew.

"It only hurts for a second, baby, and I promise I'll do everything I can to not make it worse," He touched my lips.

I nodded, suddenly out of breath, and before I knew what was happening, he was pushing his hard dick into me. I tensed, my body wanting to get away, as I tried to move away from him but he held me down. I struggled with the pain. It wasn't awful but it wasn't pleasant either.

"Ow, Edward," I winced and tried to keep my face hidden from him. I was sure the pain was clear on my face.

"Shh, baby, it's okay, it'll be okay," He reassured me and when he started moving, the sharp sting turned into a dull ache.

"Ugn, ugn, fuck, fuck," He chanted under his breath as his hips pressed into mine.

I knew I wasn't going to get off this time. It probably took a couple times before I would feel pleasure. Right now all I wanted to do was give Edward pleasure but he wasn't having that and soon his hand sneaked down. He pressed his thumb against my clit and my body seized up. My legs locked around his and I wanted the feeling to stop but continue. I didn't know what I wanted.

"Oh God, oh God," I started moaning.

"Are you going to cum, baby?" He asked, his voice low in my ear.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes! Yes!" I shrieked and God, did I want too.

His body tensed and he dropped his head against my shoulder; his hips still moving as I felt something warm spread throughout me. It was a weird sensation. Like, if you had whipped cream and sprayed it into your mouth? When he sucked on my shoulder roughly, I lost my mind. My heart raced and my body felt like it was on fire. When everything was quiet again; just holding each other, he told me to go to the bathroom.

I kissed him once again, lingering, "I'll be right back," I told him.

He nodded and smiled.

I tried to hurry because I could feel sticky stuff running down my legs. I washed up; using the bathroom. It burned when I peed and there was a little bit of blood. I really hoped there was no blood on his sheets. _Ughhh_. I came back in, being as quiet as possible. Edward was asleep already; spread out across the bed. I slid my underwear back on and lifted my shirt over my head. As I was starting to climb back into bed, his cellphone went off; telling me he had a text message. I froze, debating with myself on what I should do. Curiosity won and I unlocked his phone and opened the text.

From: Tanya (DTF/Easy): Bby! U didn't call me ): r u fucking with that bitch? the one thats like 15 or whatever? n e way, call me back when ur done, k? love u! xoxo

My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to bash Edward's head in with his stupid fucking cellphone but I didn't. I grabbed the rest of my clothes; set his phone back down and crept across the hall to Ali's room. She was awake, even though it was late, and staring at the door as if she expected me. I didn't say anything as I slid into her bed and sobbed in her neck. She held me tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," She whispered.

"I should have just listened to you," I choked out.

She rubbed my back, "He's fucked up because of my dad; I don't know...I don't know if he'll ever change," She told me sadly.

"I need to go home," I hiccuped.

She nodded, "I know, babe, I know, I just don't want us to stop being friends because of this," She said sadly.

"Never," I hugged her closer to me.

She held me until I was all cried out and my emotions were numb.

My mom was waiting by the door when I ran up. She saw my face and grabbed me; pulling me into her soothing arms where I felt safe.

"Baby?" She asked.

I hid my face between her breasts and starting sobbing again, "I need to go home, mom, please, I can't stay here."

"Did he hurt you?" She demanded as she brushed my hair out of my face.

I sniffled and nodded, "Can I just go home? I'm sorry," I wiped my face on her shirt.

"Okay, baby, I'll talk to daddy; I'll book a flight, will you be okay if you have to stay here another day or two?" She asked and I stared right back at her, unable to answer.

Would I be okay?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Lullaby- Dixie Chicks  
_**

* * *

Edward: What happened? Why weren't you there this morning?

I didn't respond. As soon as the message would come in; I would delete it.

Edward: Bella. Wtf. Tell me what I did. How am I supposed to apologize if I don't know what I did?

That was the only time I responded; just once and it was a simple text.

Bella: Don't text me. Text Tanya.

He didn't text me anymore after that. He knew what he had done wrong and he knew that I wouldn't forgive him. I loved him. That fucker. He was my first. My first everything. Fuck him. Fuck him for breaking my heart. I changed my number and I went on with my life. I moved on. We celebrated Christmas like a normal family; like we did every year. And life, kinda went on.

.

.

.

_January_

.

.

.

_February _

.

.

.

_March_

.

.

.

_April_

.

.

.

It was gorgeous out.

The weather perfect and an amazing seventy-seven degrees. I wanted to be outside all the time. I wore my tank top and capris everyday. My mom said something to me about my weight one morning as I was getting ready to go out.

"You look like you're finally filling out, honey," She commented with a smile.

What? Was she calling me fat? Was she kidding? I felt like crying and screaming at her at the same time. Instead, I didn't say anything to her; I kept walking. She wasn't the only one, my friends said stuff about it too.

"Okay, I get it! I'm fat! Just shut up about it!" I went off.

Angie, my beautiful best friend, stared at me with wide brown eyes, "Bella, is there anything you want to tell me?" She asked.

I looked at her and raised my eyebrows, "No?" I said it like a question.

She looked around and all our friends were talking, "Are you... pregnant?" She whispered.

"Fuck no! God! What the hell? No way!" I nearly screamed.

Everyone looked my way and I laughed awkwardly. When they went back to their mundane conversations, I started thinking about it. When did I get my last period? I couldn't remember. It had been on and off; spotting. Shit. Was I pregnant? No. No way. Not with an asshole that I hated.

I looked up and saw Angie staring at me, "I gotta go, I'm going home," I told her and ditched the rest of school.

I got into my Mini Cooper and drove to the drugstore first and bought three pregnancy tests. My parents were still at work when I got home. I quickly went into my bathroom and locked myself in. I peed on all three sticks. After I lined them up on the sink, I sat on the edge of the tub; waiting. I pulled out my cell and hovered over Edward's name. Even though I had changed my number, I kept his. I sent him a text for the first time in four months.

Bella: Hey, it's Bella. I know we haven't talked in forever but... I think I'm pregnant. I'm waiting for the tests now.

He wrote me back right away. I checked the tests first and- holy shit! I was pregnant.

Edward: Congrats? Why are you telling me this?

Bella: Because it's yours.

Edward: Ha! Good one.

Bella: I'm not kidding, Edward.

Edward: It can't be mine. We fucked once back in December.

Bella: Yeah. That would make me four months pregnant.

Edward: Well, wtf, Bella, what do you want me to say?

Bella: Idk. What do you want?

Edward: Nothing from you.

Bella: And the baby?

Edward: Do whatever you want with it, I don't want anything to do with it.

Bella: Wow, Edward, how did I fucking know you'd be like this? Dick.

Edward: Yup. That's me. If I were you I'd get that shit aborted. That shit's going to fuck up your life.

Bella: Fuck you. Have a great life, asshole.

And that was that.

I had done my part, telling him and he had done his, telling me he wanted nothing to do with it- the baby. Well, that was fine because I didn't want anything to do with him. How could he not want to know his child? How could he just go on like nothing happened? Was he that heartless? My baby would be fatherless. That made me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. A lot of women were single moms, though, that didn't make me feel any better.

I burst into tears and kept myself locked in the bathroom until my parents came home from work. I didn't tell them. I didn't tell anyone. I made my doctors appointment and waited it out; nervous as hell. When I got there they weighted me; telling me I was 127. I freaked out.

"Oh my God! 127? Jesus! I'm usually 113!" I complained.

"That's a fourteen pound weight gain," The nurse informed me and wrote it down on her clipboard.

I wanted to say, "Yeah, no shit." But I held my tongue.

She handed me a plastic cup and told me to pee in it. After, she took my vitals; telling me everything was normal and that the doctor would be in shortly.

I didn't have long to think about everything was happening because there was a knock on the door and a beautiful woman walked in.

"Hello, you must be Isabella, I'm Dr. Young but you can call me Emily," She introduced herself.

She was young or looked like it. Her skin was a golden brown; telling me she was Native American or at least had some in her. She had black hair, with bangs, that fell around her slender shoulders. Her eyes were a tree bark brown. She was tall and thin. I was envious of her.

"Nice to meet you, Emily, please, call me Bella," I shook her warm hand.

She smiled at me and I suddenly felt better, "Your urine test came back positive, Bella, you are, indeed, pregnant," She told me.

I nodded, "Yeah, I knew, I took three home pregnancy tests and they all came back positive," I said quietly.

"Oh, honey, have you told the father?" She asked.

"I did, he told me to get an abortion; that he didn't want anything to do with it- the baby," My voice shook.

She rubbed my shoulder affectionately, "You have many options, Bella, you can have an abortion or you can give the baby up for adoption, there are always couples that want a baby that can't have one," She said.

"And if I want to keep it?" I didn't look at her.

She put her hand under my chin and urged my face up so that I had to look at her, "Understand that a baby is a life changing decision, this is a person, not a pet or a play thing, you'll be responsible for this child for eighteen years and maybe longer if he or she has problems, you're going to be the one taking care of this innocent baby," She explained.

"I understand," I whispered.

"Okay... let's do an ultrasound and see how far along you are," She said and put the blue goo on my lower abdomen. She pressed the wand against my skin and the room filled with the sound of _swishing_ and a heartbeat.

"Is that... the baby?" I asked, breathy.

She nodded, "That's your baby," She confirmed.

"Is it... okay?" I asked.

She smiled fondly as she stared at the screen, "Everything looks wonderful," She told me and I felt... relieved.

"I know when I conceived," I mumbled.

"You do?" She raised her eyebrows.

"December 21st."

"That's impressive that you remember," She murmured.

"I lost my virginity that night," I said lowly.

"And got pregnant," She averted her eyes.

"That was the best and worst night of my life, the baby's father was sweet and amazing when he took my virginity but I found out about the other girl in his life and my heart was broken, I left, and I didn't speak to him again, I just spoke to him for the first time in four months to tell him I was pregnant and he was a complete asshole about it, like I knew he'd be," The words flowed out of me.

She patted my hand, "I'm sorry, Bella, have you told your parents?" She wondered.

"No, and I won't, they can't know, they'll be so disappointed in me, I know what they'll do, my mom will make me put the baby up for adoption," My eyes welled up with tears.

"Shhh, it's okay, honey, when will you be eighteen?" She wanted to know.

"September thirteenth," I told her.

"You'll be eighteen before the baby is born; then you can do whatever you want," She said and brushed my hair out of my face.

"I don't know how I'm going to hide this, I've already gained so much weight," I sobbed.

"You're seventeen weeks along; you're due date will be around September twenty-seventh," She informed me.

"Okay, do you think I'll get much bigger?" I questioned.

"Watch what you eat and get exercise, you should be okay, it really depends on the person, every pregnancy is different," She said.

"When will you be able to tell if it's a boy or girl?" I asked her.

She pressed the wand near my bladder and _hmmmed_, _"_I can see now, would you like to know?" She asked, looking down at me.

I nodded eagerly, "Please."

"Congratulations, you're having a boy."

The tears that had been threatening to spill the whole time finally did and I sobbed happily. I was having a boy. I was going to have a son. I had everything I would ever want. Now, all I needed was a plan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Hands down (acoustic)- Dashboard Confessional  
_**

* * *

Months slipped by unseen.

I stayed to myself and my mom didn't make anymore comments about my 'weight gain'. I finished high school with all A's. I was done; finally free of the high schoolers. We were eating dinner when I brought up colleges.

"I'm thinking about going to visit some schools," I said.

Brown eyes and blue eyes looked up at me.

"Which ones? Washington?" Dad asked.

"No, definitely out of state, I was thinking Arizona," I took a bite of my meatloaf. It was dry.

My mom frowned, "Why so far?" She asked as she wiped her mouth.

"I need to get out of Forks, I need to see something new, I'm so tired of the same people and the same boring town," I complained.

"Is it really that bad?" My dad wondered.

I looked over at my mom and we locked eyes. I knew she was bored of this town too.

"Yes, dad, it's really that bad."

We didn't talk about it anymore after that. I booked a plane ticket the next day.

"Will you be okay?" My mom asked me as I waited to board my flight.

"Yeah," I answered; looking around and fidgeting nervously.

"Okay, so, rent a car when you get there and make sure you call me every night before you go to sleep," She hugged me tighter when they called my flight.

"Okay," I said and pulled away.

"I love you," She said and kissed me.

"Okay," I repeated and then I was gone; on my flight.

As I sat, waiting for the plane to take off, a guy sat next to me. He was cute. He had this mop of curly brown hair and brown eyes. He was tall and skinny. He looked young, like he was in his twenties or something.

He looked over at me, "Hey," Was his greet.

"Hi," My voice was small.

"You flying to Arizona?" He asked.

I nodded.

"First time?" He questioned.

"Outside of Washington," I answered.

"Wow, really?" He was surprised.

"Yeah, I live in Forks, I'm visiting to see if I want to go to school in Arizona," I told him.

"You're going to love Arizona, I'm Jesse by the way," He introduced himself.

"I'm Bella; nice to meet you," We shook hands.

"I've lived in Arizona for a couple years now and I love it, I have family in Seattle," He babbled on.

"Yeah? Do you like Seattle?" I asked.

"I like it because I only visit two or three times a year," He said.

"Hmm... that must be nice, to just visit and then go back to something else," I mumbled.

"It is, I like it but then again I'm not from a small town, I grew up in L.A.," He told me.

"L.A.? Wow! That's amazing! I would love to go there!" I said.

"I'll take you," He said nonchalantly.

"No way! I would never do that to you!" I said in shock.

"It's no big deal, I go to L.A. all the time from Arizona, so, you know where you're gonna stay?" He asked.

"No, well, in a hotel for now but I guess at a dorm," I replied.

He shook his head, "Dorms are gay are gay, you should with me, I have a three bedroom apartment; my roommate, Danny, is a cool dude," He told me.

"Jesse... I have to tell you, before you decide anything, I'm... pregnant," I said it out loud for the first time.

His eyes got wide for a second before he smiled, "That's really cool, Bella," He finally said.

"Really?" I looked at him wearily.

"Yeah! A baby's a great thing! I'll help you!" He said, excited.

I just stared at him for a long second, "How old are you?" I wondered.

"Twenty-four, why?"

"Because you're willing to help a pregnant girl you don't even know and you're only twenty-four?" I questioned.

This was not normal...

"Well, karma right? Do something good; get something good back," He shrugged.

"You're doing this because of karma?" I eyed him.

"Maybe I'm just a nice guy," He smirked.

"You seem like a very nice guy, Jesse, and I'd be honored to live with you and Danny," I said smiling.

I finally had a plan.

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

"You guys aren't going to kill me, right?" I had joked when I first met Danny.

He had rolled his eyes, "If I was going to kill someone, it wouldn't be you."

"I...I just have nowhere else to go," I had said nervously.

"Hey, it's cool, I think you're doing the right thing, getting away from all the other bullshit; it's your life."

And for whatever reason, I trusted these two guys.

I stood in the middle of my new apartment.

I just stared in awe. I had done it. I was going to give my baby a good life. Three bedrooms; two baths and a huge kitchen. I was in love. It was spacious and in a gorgeous neighborhood. There was a park close by and a grocery store within walking distance. It was perfect.

Danny came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, "What's up, gorgeous?" He asked.

"I'm so amazed right now," I whispered.

Danny was handsome. He had black hair that was always a little too long; blue eyes that couldn't be described. He was tall, 6'2, and fit. He had a beautiful body; a surfers body. I was showing more. A lot more. I was seven months pregnant and happy. Danny placed his hands on my swollen belly. After a few moments, there was a fluttering feeling.

Danny smiled, "I love feeling this kid move," He said, his eyes bright and happy.

"Yeah? Well, you know once he's born it won't be a walk in the park, there are going to be shitty days and there are going to be good days, parenthood is a full time job, there are no breaks, are you ready for that? You can turn back now," I offered.

He rested his chin on the top of my head, "No way am I bailing like Caleb's deadbeat dad," He muttered angrily.

"That's a part of my life I don't want to revisit, if Edward wants to be a part of Caleb's life then he can be but I know he won't, so I'll raise him with you and Jesse," I said; leaning into him.

"This kid will be loved so much, he will never go without but will want for nothing; he will be amazing," Danny said.

And damn my emotions, I started crying.

I hugged him tightly, "I'm so grateful for you guys," I sobbed into chest.

He rubbed soothingly, "And we're grateful for you, Bella."

"Sing to me?" I asked, my lips pursed.

He crept away to get his guitar that he kept near the couch, "What do you want to hear?" He asked, his eyes on me. Always on me.

"Hands down," I said and he smiled, he knew I loved it when he sang that song to me.

"Okay," He said quietly and started strumming his gorgeous, 1942 Gibson L7 Sunburst, guitar. He started to sing; his voice beautiful:

_ My hopes are so high,_  
_ that your kiss might kill me._  
_ So won't you kill me,_  
_ so I die happy._  
_ My heart is yours to fill or burst,_  
_ to break or bury,_  
_ or wear as jewelery,_  
_ which ever you prefer._

He kept his eyes on me as he sang.

_ The words are hushed lets not get busted;_  
_ just lay entwined here, undiscovered._  
_ Safe in here from all the stupid questions._  
_ "hey did you get some?"_  
_ Man, that is so dumb._  
_ Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear..._  
_ so we can get some._

Caleb started kicking up a storm, always loving when Danny sang to me.

My feelings for Danny were changing. I didn't know if it was because I was lonely and he was beautiful but I felt myself drawn to him. I knew he couldn't want me though. Pregnant and fat and ugly. I was confused because I got something different when we were near each other, he would always touch me and flirt with me. I didn't know what was going on. My emotions were all over the place. I was a mess but that didn't seem to scare off Danny.

"I want to go to your appointments with you," He said one morning as I was getting ready.

I just stared at him, "All their going to do is tell me how the baby is coming along," I told him.

He shrugged, "I wanna go."

He started going with me and continued for every appointment I went to. Then, one day, Jesse decided he wanted to go too. So, we all crammed into that small room to hear Caleb's heart. Danny was the one to hold my hand though. Jesse, with his hair falling in his eyes, just stared intensely at the monitor. Oh, and he asked a lot of questions, like, "Why's the heartbeat so fast?" and "How can you tell if he's growing properly?". Dr. Kerr, my OB/GYN, just answered them all with a smile.

We were all getting ice cream, after my appointment, and talking as we walked; passing all these corner stores.

"I love it here," I said as I looked around.

The day was beautiful, skies blue and cloudless.

"Good, I don't want you going anywhere," Danny said as he licked his mint chocolate chip ice cream cone.

I nodded, "You too, Jesse?" I asked.

He nodded, eating his dark chocolate from a waffle bowl, "Definitely don't want you leaving! Not when Little Man isn't here yet!" He said dramatically.

I smiled to myself and looked back down; focusing on my strawberry ice cream.

Maybe, just maybe, we could all be a little family together. _My hopes were so high that it just might kill me._


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Nothing else matters- Scala & Kolancy brothers  
_**

* * *

I was hot.

I was so uncomfortable and pregnant and miserable. Nights were worse; for whatever reason I was even more miserable. I finally ended up in a t-shirt and panties. My legs kicked free of the blankets. There was a tightness in my back and no matter what position I got into, it didn't help. I grabbed my phone and texted Danny.

Bella: I can't sleep.

Danny: Want to go for a ride?

Bella: Yes, please.

I got up and put shorts on. Danny knocked on my door before coming in.

"Hey," He smiled, "Little C keeping you up?" He asked.

I decided on Caleb Thomas Swan.

"Yeah, you know he's so active during the nights; I can only imagine what he'll be like when he's born," I said.

He grinned, "I can't wait," He held my hand as we walked down the dark hallway and toward the parking lot.

"I just don't want him being an asshole like his father," I whispered.

He rubbed soothingly circles on my hand, "He won't be, he's going to be raised by you; you're the nicest person I've ever met," He assured.

"Yeah? Well, you and Jesse will be here too..." I said smiling up at him.

"For as long as you want," He replied.

We got into his silver Range Rover LR-V8 Supercharged. His car was AMAZING! It was SO expensive though. Something I could never afford. The seats were red leather and so nice. God, I was in love.

"I don't understand how I got so lucky," I murmured as he turned the car on and the heat up. I immediately turned it down and rolled down my windows a crack.

"Fate?" He asked as he back out of his spot.

"Maybe..." I stared out the window at the dark trees passing by.

"Do you want ice cream? That always makes you feel better," He asked me.

I shrugged. I didn't know what I wanted. I was so uncomfortable. I shifted slightly but it didn't help.

"What's going on, Bella? Are you in pain?" He asked, wide-eyed and worried.

"Not really, I'm just uncomfortable," I lied.

"Don't lie, do you need to go to the hospital?" He questioned.

"Maybe?" I said.

"Yes or no," He was getting impatient.

"Yes, can you just take me? I think I'm having contractions," I told him.

"Shit," He mumbled before flooring it.

"You don't have to speed! Don't kill us!" I shouted as I held onto the dashboard.

He gave me a look that said shut up. So I did. I concentrated on the severe pain that was streaking across my lower back.

"Holy fucking shit! That is the WORST pain I've ever felt! Oh my fucking God!" I wailed; holding onto the seat.

"Shit! Let me call Jess! He will be pissed if he misses Little C's birth!" He grabbed his phone and told Jesse to come to the hospital.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I chanted.

"Shhh. Baby, we're almost there, it's okay," He promised.

"Fuck you! You don't know what's happening inside my body right now! God fucking damn it! I think I'm dying! Oh my God! I'm never having sex again! Ever! As long as I live! I don't need it! They make vibrators! Jesus!" I screeched.

His eyes darted from the road to me, "Bella..."

"Shut up! Just don't say anything! Let me scream it out! Fuck, fuck, fuck," I went back to chanting.

He made a sharp turn and pulled up onto the curb of the entrance to the hospital. He jumped out and ripped me from the car; carrying me.

"Umm. Help?" He called.

The tired; bored receptionist looked up, "Labor?" She asked and popped her pink gum.

"No shit, you dumb bitch!" I shouted; making everyone in the ER look at me like I was the devil.

"This is our first child so she's... not taking the pain well," Danny said.

"Oh God!" I threw my head back and howled in pain.

"Are you going to help her or what?" Someone from the lobby called out.

Ms. Pink Bubble Gum looked over, "Yes, sir, I'm going to help her," She rolled her eyes before paging a nurse.

"Fuck! Whoever wants children, don't do it! Don't do it! I think I'm dying!" I yelled.

The women looked sympathetic and the men looked scared.

"Chew on some ice, honey, that'll help!" A woman said.

Danny thanked her before carrying me to the back; following the young, blonde nurse. We went into a room and he set me down on a bed. A nurse came in; hooking me up to all these machines and telling me I was 7 centimeters dilated.

The doctor came in then, a young pretty woman, "Hello, Bella, it's nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Golding; let's check and see how everything's going," She said and did an ultrasound. The frown between her eyebrows pulled even more as she stared at the screen, "Well, it seems like Baby here has decided to do the old switcharoo; he wants to come out feet first. I guess he didn't get the memo, he can't come out that way," She chuckled; trying to lighten the mood.

But I was already panicking, "What does that mean? Is he okay? Are you going to flip him around?" I questioned.

"No, just because you're a small girl and he's breech, we're just going to do a Cesarean just to be on the safe side," She told me before instructing the nurse to page the OR.

I looked over at Danny, "I guess Caleb had different plans," I said with a shrug. I was sweaty and gross. My hair matted to my forehead.

He smiled at me, "Yep, definitely your kid," He agreed.

I laughed and as another contraction hit me, hard, Jesse came bounding in.

"Did I miss it? Is he here?" He asked, his eyes everywhere and on everyone at once.

"Nope, he's still in here, but now he's decided against being born the traditional way and I have to have a C-Section, did you bring my stuff?" I asked, even though I could see two bags in his hands.

He nodded, "Sure did," He said before wrestling out the camera/video camera.

"Ohhh! Good! Now we can capture this on tape and let him see this when he's old enough to know what a monster he was!" I let out a loud howl as another contraction rocked through my lower back. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

"Miss Swan, everything's all set and ready for you, are you ready?" Nurse I'm-Blonde-And-Beautiful asked me.

I stared at her as if she had two heads, "Of course I'm ready! Get this fucker out of me!" I screeched at her.

She just smiled kindly at me and unlocked my bed before rolling me down the hallway.

"Is it okay if Danny comes into the room with me? I'd really like him to take pictures," I said through clenched teeth.

_Work on your breathing_. Breathing my ass! That shit didn't fucking do anything!

"Of course, hun," She answered and we both watched as Danny trotted over to us; fumbling with the camera.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm trying to turn this shit on," He said and then grinned when it made a sound. "Okay, mama, say something to your son," He pointed the camera on me.

"Hi, Caleb, I'm your mom, ummm, I hope you think I'm a good mom; I'm going to try my hardest and give you lots of love, so don't judge me too hard," I said nervously. I knew I looked a hot mess right now but I could afford to, I was about to bring life into the world. Sue me, we can't all look like Beyonce while giving birth.

Soon I was whisked into the OR. Bright lights shone down on me and they covered my lower half with a huge blue sheet so I couldn't see anything.

"Hello, Bella, I'm Dr. Sanguard and I'm going to be administering your anesthesia, any allergies?" He asked. He was a large man with dark hair and dark eyes and a dark tan.

"No, none," I answered; trying to breathe through the pain.

"Okay, it should only take a couple minutes," He told me and after a long minute asked me if I could feel where he was doing something to me.

"Feel what?" I asked; unable to feel anything.

"Good, we're going to get started now," Dr. Golding said.

I couldn't feel pain but I could feel a weird tugging sensation that made me want to puke my guts up. After a good five minutes, there was silence as a scream cut through the room; letting everyone know new life had been born.

"Congratulations, it's a boy!" Dr. Golding called happily.

I started to sob and looked for Danny, "Can you see him? Is he okay?" I asked him.

There were tears in his eyes, "He's perfect, Bella; beautiful," He said as he took pictures and recorded.

"What name did you decide on?" Dr. Golding asked me as one of the nurses put Caleb on my chest.

"Caleb," I choked out as I stared down at my perfect, handsome baby boy, "Caleb Thomas Swan."

He had red hair (Red!) and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen, though Dr. Golding told me he may grow out of it.

"Happy birthday Caleb Thomas Swan; born 11:57pm on September 25th!" Dr. Golding announced to everyone.

They all clapped and shouted Happy Birthday. When I looked over, Danny was holding Caleb in his arms and looking down at him with a soft smile. I had done it. I had made it through it all in one piece.

This right here. This. This was love. Wrapped in a blue blanket in the arms of a man who had given us a second chance. This was all I needed. This was my destiny in life. In those arms, was my life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: What if- Coldplay  
_**

* * *

The lactation nurse came in to show me how to bottle feed Caleb.

I didn't think I could breast feed. I told my fears to Danny; telling him how badly my breasts hurt and my stomach ached. I didn't want anyone near the stitches. I was so worried about them being pulled out or me reopening them.

"Do you want me to feed him?" Danny asked; staring lovingly down at my boy.

I nodded; feeling depressed because I was being a huge baby about my stitches. I had never had stitches before though and now, I had a whole row of angry ones right above my pubic bone.

"Good morning, Bella! Good morning, Danny! How's baby Caleb doing?" The lactation nurse, Britney, asked as she came in wearing a smile and pink scrubs.

Danny grinned as he cradled Caleb in his long arms, "He's great! He never cries, is that normal?" He asked, worried.

She nodded, "You guys are just lucky; it looks like he's going to be a mellow little dude," She told us.

"Britney? Can I ask you something?" I looked up at her.

"Of course, sweetie, what's wrong?" She came over to me and sat at the edge of my hospital bed.

"I'm worried because I'm hurting and that makes me not want to hold Caleb and _that _makes me depressed, what should I do? Just get over it and hold him?" I asked wearily. I didn't want her to think I was a horrible mom when it had only been two days.

"No, honey, go at your own pace, you should be feeling better in a week; you'll still be sore but you shouldn't be hurting as bad as you are now, you've never had surgery before and that's what you had, a Caesarean is a major surgery, even though they perform a lot of them, people always react differently to them, have you spoken to your nurse? She'll give you some pain medication since you're not breast feeding you don't have to worry about it affecting the baby," She said gently.

I shook my head, "I wanted to stay lucid for Caleb, do you think if I take the pain medicine I'll be able to hold him?" I wondered.

She nodded, "Yes, I think it'll help, let me page Nurse Brooke for you," She said and hit the call button.

Nurse Brooke appeared immediately, "Good morning everyone, how is everyone feeling?" She asked but looked at me.

"Would it be okay if I had something for the pain?" I asked quietly.

"Of course, honey, don't hesitant to ask, if you're uncomfortable at all, just let me know and I'll bring you something, we need you better so you can go home and take care of this sweet little boy," She said and smiling kindly at me.

I didn't know why but suddenly, I burst into tears which caused Caleb to start crying. Britney looked around, not knowing what to do, before she paged Nurse Brooke again who came back in with the medicine.

"What's the matter, Bella?" She asked; sitting on the bed beside me.

"What if I'm not a good mother? I worked so hard for this baby, his father didn't want him; he wanted me to get an abortion and he's never going to be in his life, what if he's messed up because of that? What if he hates me?" I babbled incoherently.

She patted my knee, "If you keep 'What if-ing', Bella, it'll only make you feel worse, you don't know what's going to happen, what if you're an amazing mom- which I have no doubt you will be- and what if Caleb grows up to be a doctor or a teacher? We don't know the future and we can't predict it, it's up to you, Bella, to be the mom you want to be," She said, all knowledgeable and smart. "Now, take your medicine and hold your son for a bit; you'll feel better."

I did as I was told and I did feel better. Everything better with that angel in my arms. He looked just like Edward and it killed me. It broke my heart but I decided that I wouldn't let anyone see how it affected me. It was my mistake and I would have to keep it.

"He looks just like Edward," I whispered to Danny who squeezed my hand.

"But he's yours, Bella, not his," He whispered back.

"That doesn't make it hurt any less," I said so lowly I was sure he didn't hear me.

"All that matters is this boy right here," Danny said stroking Caleb's poof of red hair.

"His hair is red," I muttered.

He laughed, "That it is, you have some red in your hair though..." He reassured me.

"Yeah," I breathed before leaning down and pressing my lips to Caleb's soft-skinned forehead.

My heart swelled with love. It didn't matter what or who he looked like. He was perfect.

.

.

.

P.O.F.

.

.

.

I blinked and months had gone by and I was better.

I was a mom. I couldn't believe it still. I had a baby. It was amazing. _He _was amazing.

"I think I'm going to send Edward a consent form to giving up his parental rights..." I said to Danny as we both watched Caleb in his bouncer.

He took my hand, squeezing it and said, "I think that's a great idea; he shouldn't have any objections."

So I wrote Edward Masen an Email. My heart aching and my stomach twisting.

_Edward,_

_I know you didn't want this baby and I understand that. I've found someone who will love us and take care of us. I just wanted to let you know that you have a son. He weighed 9 pounds and 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. Yep. He was a big dude. Still is. But that's besides the point. I've attached a form for you to fill out. This will allow you to terminate your parental rights which means no child support and no having to be involved in any way. Your name is not on his birth certificate. You don't have to know him but I WON'T let you come in and out of his life if you change your mind, which I doubt you will. _

_I hope all is well with you and your family._

_Bella._

I sent the Email; making sure all the documents were attached and working. Within hours, I received his Email back. It didn't say anything; it just had the document filled out and ready.

**STATE OF ARIZONA, CIRCUIT COURT, COUNTY MARICOPA.**  
**IN THE INTEREST OF CALEB THOMAS SWAN, a person under the age of 18.**  
**Consent to Termination of Parental Rights (Judicial)**  
**Date of Birth: 9/25/2011**  
**Case No. BYDF2541750**  
**UNDER OATH, I STATE:**  
**1. My name is: Edward Cullen**  
**My address is:** **13878 Chester Bay Lane, North Palm Beach, FL 33408**  
**My date of birth is: 6/20/90**  
**2. My child is not a member of or eligible for membership in an Indian tribe. (For an Indian child, use the Indian Child ****Welfare Act version (IW-1637) of this consent.)**  
**3. I am the: Alleged father.**  
**4. I have been informed and understand that a court order terminating parental rights will permanently end ****ALL legal rights and duties that exist between myself and this child, such as:**  
**· Duty to support**  
**· Right to custody and visitation**  
**· Right to inherit**  
**5. I wish to give up any parental rights that I may have to this child and consent to the court entering an order ****terminating my parental rights.**  
**6. I give up the right to know of any future hearing or proceedings in this matter.**  
**7. I am making this decision on my own free will. No promises or threats have been made to get me to sign this ****document.**  
**Signature: Edward Cullen**  
**Name Printed or Typed: Edward Anthony Cullen**  
**Date: 12/2/11**

I let out a sigh of relief and anger that he could so easily write off his son. Also, I was confused. I was sure that Edward's last name was Masen... and yet, he had typed Cullen. Had he changed his last name? Was that a relatives last name? I was so curious but it wasn't my place to ask or to know. That part of my life was over. Now I would take it to a court and I knew that they would grant me this. For Caleb. Everything was for Caleb. He would be better off without Edward in his life or not in his life. He -_we_- had Danny now and Jesse, of course, who was like an Uncle to Caleb.

I stared at the Composed mail I had with Edward's Email before I attached a picture of the day Caleb was born. I was in it. Caleb on my chest; still covered in blood and mucus and god knows what else. Danny must have taken the picture because it was perfect. I was staring down at Caleb and he was staring right back up at me, his little finger wrapped around mine as we gazed into each others eyes. All I said was: Caleb. And then, I sent it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Temptation '87- New Order  
_**

* * *

_One year and 4 months later-_

_March_

_._

_._

_._

_April_

_._

_._

_._

_May_

_._

_._

_._

_June_

_._

_._

_._

My toes were buried in the sand.

I was in Florida again. I swore to myself that I would never step foot in the state again and yet, here I was. With my two favorite boys. Caleb loved the water. I had never seen him so happy before. He was currently running up and down the beach; yelling I'm a shark! I'm a shark! While flailing his arms. I watched as Danny ran over to Caleb; snatching him up and tossing him up into the air.

"Hiwer, Daddy! Hiwer!" Caleb shouted in delight.

My heart squeezed and I knew Danny loved hearing Caleb call him that. It meant so much to him. It meant so much to me. Caleb needed a father and Danny was it.

"Come on, buddy! Let's go into the water!" Danny exclaimed and they off for the water.

I sat up taking a couple pictures of them and the beach and the sky before I closed my eyes again; soaking up the sun. I heard a squeal I was familiar with before a wet Caleb bounced on me.

"Come into da wata, mommy!" He demanded as his sandy tiny hands touched my face. _Come into the water, mommy._

I opened my eyes and smiled. Caleb was still my baby. His eyes turned green and his hair was darker, still red but darker. He was tan and lean and tall for a toddler his age. I stood up; wiping the sand off my bathing suit bottoms. When I reached Danny, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me; making Caleb squeal in delight. That's what he needed. He needed to see love. He needed to see happiness. He needed to see a family. That's what we were- a family. The three of us. We broke away and I grabbed Caleb; twirling him around as he screamed his laughter.

"Come on, mommy! Wata!" He wiggled in my arms before taking my hand and tugging me with him. _Come on, mommy! Water!_

I turned trying to see if Danny was following but he was busy taking pictures so I focused my attention back on Caleb; running into the cold water with him.

"Wow, baby, that's cold!" I shouted in surprise.

He giggled at me, "I wike it," He proclaimed. _I like it._

"You do? Well, that's good but what if we see an octopus?" I teased.

"Swilly, mommy, dare no octopus in da wata!" He said in that voice I knew well. _Silly, mommy, there's no octopus in the water!_

"Are you sure?" I looked at him skeptically.

He rolled those green eyes at me and shook his head, "I pwomise, mommy, no octopus, and I won't let it hurt you," He swore. _I promise, mommy, no octopus, and I won't let it hurt you._

"Okay, baby, if you're sure..." I let him drag me deeper into the water.

We splashed and I let him dunk me under water. We played and played until I knew he was tired and hungry. Danny met us as we were getting out and lifted a sleepy Caleb into his arms.

"What do you want for lunch, baby?" I asked Caleb.

He gazed sleepily at me, "Nuggets with apples," He mumbled.

McDonald's it was then...

By the time Caleb ate and we were back to the beach house, he was out like a light. Tired from all the excitement of the day. Danny carried him into the house as I drudged along; my clothes sticky to my body.

"Bella!" My name was called and I heard the shock.

Danny paused when I did and I turned. Holy shit. Alice Masen was standing on the beach in a tiny pink bikini with a blonde guy next to her. I gaped at her; not knowing what to say.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked stupidly. She probably still lived here. Duh.

"I live here," She answered my question, "I never left, my parents still own the beach house," She nodded toward it, "And I stay here some times, they moved to Jacksonville- Well, my mom and step-dad," She explained.

Step-dad? That explained a lot. Maybe his last name was Cullen...

I nodded nervously before I remembered the most important people, "Oh, umm, Alice, this is Danny, my boyfriend, and this is Caleb-"

Danny interrupted me, "Our son," He practically snarled.

Caleb was still asleep; his face hidden in Danny's neck. All you could see was his auburn colored hair that was in desperate need of a haircut. I just didn't have it in me to cut it. Oh well.

"Son? Wow. Congratulations, Bella," She whispered and then suddenly remembered the man standing next to her, "Oh! Bella, this is Jasper Whitlock, my fiance," She beamed.

"Wow! Really? Congrats, girl! That's awesome! I see we've done some growing up these past years," I said and she flew up the stairs; yanking me into her arms.

And then we were sobbing; both clinging to each other.

"Why didn't you text me? You just stopped; I didn't even know what happened to you, I didn't know if you were hurt; you promised that you wouldn't let what Edward did to you affect our friendship!" She sobbed into my neck.

I felt as if I were mothering her as I rubbed her back soothingly and murmured hushed words of comfort.

"Things got crazy, I got pregnant with Caleb and Danny and I... everything was just a mess," I rushed out.

She pulled back to look at me again and she looked the same. Same dark hair, spiked, and green eyes that told her entire life. You could get caught in them just by looking at her. She was dangerous, that Alice.

"You're a mom," She said, looking shocked as she said it aloud.

I nodded with a smile, "And you're getting married."

She laughed; wiping her nose unladylike, "I am, he's a great guy," She told me.

"Yeah? I'm glad, I might have to interrogate him anyway, you know I'm my dad's girl," I said.

She rolled her eyes, "As long as I can interrogate your baby daddy, he's totally hot, Bella, how'd you land that?" She asked in disbelief.

I guffawed and shoved her slender shoulder, "Excuse me? Are you saying that I can't land hot guys?" I demanded.

"No, I'm just saying... he's hot, like, really hot," She tried to whisper.

"We're standing right here, Ali, and we can hear you," Jasper said loudly.

Like I said,_ tried_ to whisper.

"Daddy? I havta pee," Caleb whimpered. _Daddy? I have to pee._

"Okay, buddy," He assured Caleb, "Babe, I'm taking him in to pee, you finish up... here," He said and leveled me with a look.

I nodded; understanding, "Okay, I'll be right in," I told him.

He turned without saying another word and went inside.

"What's his deal?" Alice asked with her hands on her hips. _Bitch stance._

"I told him everything that happened here... with Edward, so, he knows everything, he isn't happy about this; I'm sure I'll get an earful tonight, ummm, listen, I should probably head inside but... lunch tomorrow so we can catch up?" I asked her.

"Oh my God, yes!" She squeaked, the hope clear in her voice.

"Okay, well, tomorrow then, good night; nice meeting you, Jasper!" I called as I started to go in.

"Bella-" Alice stopped me.

I paused and turned, "Hmm?" I looked at her.

Her eyes glistened, "Don't leave again, okay?" She breathed; hugging me tightly before racing back down to Jasper.

I went inside, dazed and confused. That wasn't the scenario I had always seen when I played out me meeting Alice again. It was better than I expected honestly. But, since Alice was here, did that mean so was Edward? My heart started to race as I went to tuck my baby boy in and fall asleep next to the greatest man in the world. One that would never hurt or leave me- _us_. He was safe. I was safe. We were safe. Danny made everything better. Danny was my ever after. How would I face seeing the man who had ruined my life but given me the greatest gift of all? My son. I would do it and I would do it with Danny by my side.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: New born- Muse  
_**

* * *

I lay next to Danny in the pale moonlight.

"I don't think it's a good idea, babe," He said gruffly as one of his hands rubbed up and down my naked back.

I turned my head and kissed his shoulder, "Alice was my best friend; I just bailed on her, what her brother did was not her fault," I said sleepily.

"She doesn't know. The bastard didn't tell her that Caleb is his," He muttered.

"Maybe that's for the best, you know -well, you don't- but if you knew her you would know that she would demand to be in his life, buying him things and being his aunt; I feel so bad that she doesn't know," I whispered sadly.

"Are you going to tell her?" He wanted to know.

"If I do, she'll always be in his life, she won't leave, she's Alice, she's a great person... nothing like her brother," I tried to reassure him.

"It's your decision if you want to tell her but she needs to know that Edward didn't -and still doesn't- want anything to do with Caleb; that little boy in there is mine, Edward is just the sperm donor, sperm doesn't make the father, he didn't change diapers or feed him or deal with a tired, cranky teething baby -getting up at three in the morning and driving him around until he fell asleep again- he didn't have to deal with Caleb getting an ear infection and staying with him all night in the hospital because he had a fever of a hundred and two and wouldn't stop crying! He is NOT a father, I'm his father; I don't care if some point down the road he has an epiphany and sees the huge mistake he's made and wants to be in his life, I'll still be his father, no one and nothing will change that," He said fiercely.

Holy shit. I had never heard Danny so angry. I shifted until I was on top of him, sleep forgotten.

I cupped his face, "You're the most amazing man I've ever known, Danny; thank you so much for everything you've for me- for us, without you, I have no idea where I would be or who I would be, I am me because of you, I don't know how to put in words how grateful I am for this extraordinary life you've given us, I love you, so much; thank you," I leaned down to kiss him.

He sat up; taking me with him and hugged me securely in his arms, "God, I love you, Bella, _fuck_, so much," He breathed.

Having sex with someone you were in love with was otherworldly. It wasn't about the sex, it was about the connection. The tether that bounded you to each other as one.

His fingers touched every inch of me; igniting my skin. He pressed his lips to my fluttering heart. I locked my arms around his neck as I rode out the crest of my orgasm. He was right behind me and as his teeth found my lip and his eyes squeezed shut -I knew, this was love. Real love. I had never been in love until now.

"Daddy!" Caleb cried suddenly.

I fell back, sweaty and boneless, and laughed.

He rolled his eyes and climbed out of bed, naked and gorgeous, "Parenthood," He mumbled with a smirk.

"You love it," I accused.

He fixed me with an intense stare, "I really do," He said before pulling on his boxers and heading down to Caleb's room to see what was wrong with our son.

That night when I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of dark haired blue-eyed babies.

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

I stood in front of the mirror debating on what to wear.

I was in my navy blue beaded dress with my black sandals. I sighed heavily and turned toward my closet.

Danny came in then with a spoon of peanut butter in his mouth, "You wook bu-if-full, wabe," He mumbled. _You look beautiful, babe._

I laughed, "Thanks, I'm really nervous; I don't know why, do you think I should wear a dress? Maybe I should just wear shorts? What do you think?" I babbled.

He pulled the spoon from his mouth and chuckled, "Babe, calm down, it's just lunch with your... best friend, I'm sure she'll love whatever you're wearing, I mean, I know I do," He waggled his eyebrows at me.

I giggled and shoved at him but it was too late, his mouth was on me and he tasted of peanut butter and chocolate.

"Why do you taste like chocolate?" I asked breathlessly.

"Little C wanted chocolate chip pancakes," He said licking at my lips.

I smiled and then a thought crossed my mind and I had to voice it, "Would you fight for me?" I suddenly asked.

He looked startled and stared down at me questionably, "Fight for you? What do you mean? If someone was trying to take you from me? Another man?" He questioned.

I nodded dumbly; knowing this would start an argument.

He pursed his lips, "I would, I would fight for you with everything I had in me but if you didn't want anymore or if you thought you were better off with someone else then I guess I wouldn't stop you, I'd want you happy, I'd want Caleb happy, and if you thought being with someone else made you happy then I would let you go," His voice grew softer.

I smiled and touched his cheek, "I love you," Was all I said before giving another long kiss.

A squealing Caleb came running in in only a pull-up and a spoon of peanut butter in his left hand -_the peanut butter all over him too, of course._

"Caleb! What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Daddy! I gots pweanut bwutter on me!" He announced happily. _Daddy! I got peanut butter on me!_

"Yeah, baby, I see that," Danny laughed with him and picked him up."Give me a kiss," He demanded and when Caleb smacked his lips, he made a _Mmmm-ing_ sound, "Yum! Tastes good!" He said while tickling Caleb's sides.

Caleb, of course, offered me his lips in case I felt left out and I made the appropriate noises.

"Okay, baby, I'm going to have lunch with my friend, you stay here and be a good boy for daddy, no nonsense or I might have to tickle you to death," I threatened him.

He snickered, "Otay, mommy! I be a good boy! No nonswnese!" He shouted and wiggled in Danny's arms before taking off down the hallway. _Okay, mommy! I'll be a good boy! No nonsense!_

As I was making my way toward the front door, Danny stopped me.

"Babe, wait a second, look," He handed me his phone.

It was a text from Jesse.

Jesse: Miss you guys! Charlotte says hello! Send me a pic of my favorite nephew in the water! Later (:

I smiled. Jesse had met this amazing girl named Charlotte almost a year ago. They had finally moved in together. She was great. She was gorgeous, short brown hair and blue eyes, and I couldn't believe how lucky Jesse had gotten. She and I had had a heart to heart. I didn't want her hurting Jesse and she wanted to be my friend. In the end, we ended up being good friends. She was absolutely in love with Caleb but, I mean, who wasn't? My little ladies man.

"I'll send him the one of you and Caleb in the water together," I said and pecked him again before really leaving.

I texted Alice to tell her I was on my way. She had the same number.

We met at Sebastian Beach Inn. I ordered the Taco Salad and she ordered a chicken fajita. We both got Iced Teas.

"So," I said awkwardly once the waiter left us alone.

"So, tell me everything I've missed, I mean, you have a baby, do you pictures of him? Of his birth?" She asked at top speed.

I pulled out my purse where I kept a small photo album of him. I passed it over to her silently and waited for her to make the connection. She flipped through it, a smile on her face.

"He's beautiful," She whispered and when she flipped to a picture of Caleb that looked exactly like Edward she looked up at me, "Bella?" She asked.

"Ali," I whispered and she burst into tears.

"Does he know?" She wondered.

I nodded, "He didn't want him, Alice, he told me to get an abortion, he signed papers giving up his rights," I told her.

Her eyes grew wide, "Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Edward did that? What the fuck? That fucking piece of shit asshole!" She growled.

People were looking at us now.

"Alice, shhh, people are looking; we're gonna get kicked out," I said.

She started to cry, "I am so sorry he did that to you, Bella, I am so sorry, if I knew... I would have been there for you, I would have helped you, you were all alone," She sobbed.

"I wasn't," I assured her, "Danny was there, Danny's been there the whole time, he helped me, he helped us, he gave us a home and a life, I love him, Alice, he's my true love," I told her.

"You love him?" She mumbled.

"So much, Alice, he takes care of us, he loves us, he loves Caleb like he's his own," I said.

"I'm so happy you found someone, Bella, I was so worried that you had to go through that alone," She whispered and then asked, "Do your parents know?"

I shook my head, "I haven't spoken to them since I was seventeen," I said sadly.

"They don't know?" She looked surprised.

I was always so close to them.

"No, I left before I had Caleb, they didn't know I was pregnant, I didn't gain that much weight and I hid it with clothes."

"Could I... meet him?" She asked wearily as if I would say no.

"Of course, do you want to meet him today?" I asked her.

"Yes!" She squeaked.

I pulled out my cell and called Danny, "Hey, baby, can you bring Caleb to Sebastian's?" I asked him.

"_Are you sure that's a good idea_?" He wondered.

"Of course, it's Alice, Danny, let's not have an argument, just come over here," I told him.

"_Fine, I'll see you in ten,_" He said and I could him breathing quietly.

"I love you," I whispered, averting my eyes from Alice.

"_I love you, too, baby, so much, we'll be there in a few, bye,_" He hung up.

I smiled at Alice, "They'll be here in ten," I told her.

She looked relieved and nervous now.

We talked some more about life and what she had been doing and what I had been doing. Everything that had been going on with us. I learned that she had gone through school and got her nursing degree. Her fiance, Jasper, was English teacher. He was from Texas and that's why she fell for him, because of his accent and his baby blues. She asked me if Danny and I would get married. I told her I wanted too but I didn't know what he planned to do. I knew he wanted to spend his life with us but I didn't know if he was the marrying type. His parents weren't the best people. If he didn't want to get married but wanted to spend the rest of forever with me, that was okay with me.

Danny came in; Caleb on his hip. Caleb was dressed in his sailor outfit. _Fucking adorable_. I stood up; smiling hugely as they walked toward us. I held my arms out to take him from Danny.

"Mommy!" He squealed happily.

"Hello, handsome, did you have fun with daddy?" I asked him.

He nodded, "We pwayed at da pwark!" He told me. _We played at the park!_

"Yeah? Did you go on the swings?" I questioned.

He nodded excitedly.

"That's awesome, baby, now, I want you to meet someone very special to me, this is your auntie Alice," I told him.

"Awice?" He asked with wide eyes. _Alice?_

I nodded, "Auntie, can you say Auntie?" I asked.

"Awuntie," He mumbled with his finger in his mouth.

"Good job, baby," I praised him and then looked at Alice, "Do you want to hold him?" I asked her.

She nodded, eyes huge, just like Caleb's, "Y-yeah," She stuttered.

"Okay, baby, Auntie's going to hold you, okay?" I told him.

He nodded again, never the shy type, and went willingly to his Auntie. She held him as she gazed at him in wonder.

"He's amazing," She whispered and gasped when he reached his tiny hand up to touch her cheek.

"He is," I agreed, tears in my eyes as I watched my son connect with his aunt.

Danny took my hand and squeezed.

We sat there a little while longer before Caleb started to get tired and cranky. I stood up and watched as Caleb offered Alice his lips which she accepted eagerly before passing Caleb over to Danny. Danny thanked her quietly.

I hugged her tightly, "I'll text you, okay?" I promised her.

She nodded, tears in her beautiful eyes, "Can I tell Edward you're here?" She asked.

I looked over at Danny who was standing over by the door; looking over at me.

"I- yeah, I guess that's okay, I mean, he's going to find out anyway, right?" I said more to myself then to her.

"Yeah," She agreed, "Okay, I'll see you later then; Edward might be dead so it's best that Caleb has Danny," She teased.

I laughed, "Alright, girl, later," I kissed her cheek.

"Later," She giggled and watched me go to Danny.

I took his hand, "Ready?" He asked with a grin.

I smiled up at him, "Ready." And I was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_So sorry for the delay! I went on vacation to visit a childhood friend! I'm now back on track (: Forgive me._**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Near to you- A fine frenzy (Such a sad, beautiful song)  
_**

* * *

Alice: Come over for dinner?

Bella: Will Edward be there?

Alice: Yes, and my parents. Is that okay?

Bella: I'm bringing Danny.

Alice: That's okay with me.

Bella: What time?

Alice: Six-ish?

Bella: Sounds good to me. See you then!

Alice: See ya!

So I told Danny we were having dinner at Alice's. He was less then pleased when he heard Edward was going to be there.

"I shouldn't go then," He said.

"Are you kidding?" I asked; my hands on my hips.

"No, you should see them and let them see Caleb, I'm not going to intrude on their moment," He looked down.

It frightened me that Danny didn't put up a bigger fight. I didn't know how to take it. I didn't know how to feel.

I shook my head, "Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

"Doing what? I'm giving Caleb a chance to get to know his deadbeat father," He said and there was no emotion in his voice.

"You _are_ his father, Danny, and you should be there, we're a family, you, me and Caleb, nothing's going to change that, I'm sorry if this is tough and if...if you don't wanna do this anymore, I understand," I was the one looking down now.

Danny sighed heavily, "I just need some time to think, I wasn't expecting this, I wasn't expecting...Edward to come back into the picture, I thought he had given up his rights," He said wearily.

"I fucked up, it isn't as simple as I thought, you have to see a judge and go into court, Edward is still...still Caleb's parent, I just, I never put his name on the birth certificate and when I told him, he didn't want him, he didn't want..." I trailed off.

"Didn't want what?" He pushed.

"Me. He didn't want me, I wasn't good enough, just like I'm not good enough for you," I said and started to cry.

"Jesus, Bella, please, don't," He begged.

I pulled on a pair of shorts and my green tank top before slipping my feet into my brown flip flops, "I'm going to have dinner with them; I'll be back before ten, if you're not here when I get back, I'll understand," I told him.

"Baby, stop," He demanded and I did; sighing heavily.

He came over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders; pulling me into his chest where I felt safe and sound, "I'm coming over there with you but I don't think we should bring Caleb just yet, I think we should probably talk to...Edward first and hear what he has to say," He told me.

I nodded in agreement, "Okay, Caleb will sleep, I guess we'll just bring the baby monitor with us, thankfully it's just next door so if he wakes up, we can come right over," I said and tilted my head up for a kiss.

He touched my face with his fingertips, "I love you, Bella, please, don't ever think you're not good enough for me, I'm just worried...I'm worried that you'll leave me for him, he is Caleb's father and he was your first...everything, I know you've told me you've never been in love before me but I know you and I know you loved him," He told me his fears.

I frowned, "I just...I fall easily in love and when I get out of the relationship I know I wasn't really in love," I tried to explain.

"I know, baby, I know, and that's normal, we're still young; I know relationships come and go but I...I really want you, I want to spend my life with you; raising that little boy," He said.

I ran my hands through his hair, feeling how soft it was, "I love you so fucking much, Danny; I would never hurt you deliberately, I just want to be with you and I want us to be a family, I want Caleb to know what love is, I don't want him to come from a broken home, you see how fucked up I am and I didn't come from a broken home, I'm just so scared of ruining that baby's life, I couldn't live with myself if I did," I said.

"Oh, baby, oh, Bella, you're not fucked up, fucked up things have happened to you but you're not fucked up, I will give you and Caleb everything I can, now, come on, let's put the baby to bed and go have lunch with...these people."

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

We stood on the familiar porch in front of the same door.

"Baby, are you okay?" Danny asked.

"I don't know, I don't know if I can do this, I don't know," I started freaking out.

He cupped my face, "Yes, you can, I believe in you, I believe in us," He comforted me.

I leaned up and pressed my lips against his as the front door opened.

"Bella. Are you guys going to stand out there all night?" Alice asked, smirking.

"Maybe," I teased her back.

She frowned when she didn't see Caleb, "Where's my nephew?" She wondered.

"At home, sleeping, we thought maybe we'd talk to everyone first before letting them see Caleb, I just don't want him to get confused, he thinks Danny is his dad and I don't know how I'm going to introduce Edward to him, I think we should plan it out first before just jumping in head first," I told her.

She nodded in understanding, "That's understandable," She said and then stepped away to let us in.

I locked my fingers with Danny's and we followed Alice. I held my breath as all the familiar things appeared before my eyes. The same couch, TV, pictures on the walls and paint -everything the same. I must have been squeezing Danny's hand because he leaned in to whisper soothing things into my ear.

I smiled at him, "I'm okay, baby," I reassured him but I didn't know if I really was.

"Everyone is in the dining room," Alice told us as she lead the way.

We trailed behind her and I stopped once inside the dining room. My eyes took in everyone. Esme, still beautiful as ever, was sitting next to a handsome blonde man and then there was Edward. He looked the same but different, more mature. His blue/green eyes were still the same, bright and intense, and his hair was still auburn and a mess. God, he was gorgeous. No. No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't go there. It wasn't me anymore. I had Danny, someone who loved me for me and was a father to Caleb. Edward was staring at me with eyes that told me everything -the pain, the sorrow, the happiness, the sadness, the misery, the wonder. I couldn't take it; I turned away.

"Bella, dear, it's so good to see you!" Esme said and stood up. She came over and hugged me.

I melted into her arms, lost in the comfort of a mom and it made me miss my own. I started to cry as quietly as I could.

"Oh, honey, don't cry," She hushed me as she rubbed a soothing hand across my back.

"I'm sorry, I've just missed you," I told her.

She held me tightly as she murmured things to me that I needed to hear. "You are a gorgeous young lady, Bella."

I pulled away and wiped my face. Jeez. Embarrassing. "And who is this? He's a total DILF," I whispered that last part to her.

She laughed, her beautiful face lighting up as she smiled, "This is my husband, Carlisle Cullen," She told me.

I smiled at him, "Nice to meet you, Carlisle," I said almost shyly.

"And you, Bella, you are more beautiful in person," He said; making me blush.

I giggled and Danny nudged me, "Sorry, this is Danny Crawford, my boyfriend," I introduced him to everyone.

I saw how Edward glared at Danny. I didn't think Danny noticed though. He was too busy smiling and shaking hands with everyone.

"Have a seat, please," Esme told us.

We sat, our fingers still entwined, "So, I was thinking we should probably talk about Caleb," I started.

Esme smiled, "My grandson, yes," She said proudly.

"Where should I begin?" I asked and looked at Danny.

"How about at the fucking beginning where you forget to tell me that you were pregnant?" Edward spoke for the first time.

My eyebrows shot up, "Are you kidding me? I sent you texts as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I actually texted you right after I took the test, you were the one who told me to get an abortion because that _mistake _in there would ruin my life," I sneered.

His eyes turned into slits, "You're fucking incredible, lying about telling me and making it my fault! I didn't know! I know I was fucked up back then but if I knew you were pregnant, I would have done something... helped you somehow!" He growled at me.

I dug out my wallet and pulled out a picture. It was a screen shot of the texts. Yeah, I had printed them out. I guess I was preparing for this day. I shoved them at him.

His eyes ran over the picture and he looked up at me, "What the fuck? Bella, this is not me! I did not send these texts! Who the fuck..." He stopped and his eyes glazed over for a second, "That fucking bitch!" He exploded.

I flinched and he saw; his eyes softening. No. No, he didn't get to look at me like that. Not anymore.

"Tanya, that fucking crazy bitch," He said, angrily, under his breath.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm supposed to believe that?" I looked at him.

What did he think? I was a total idiot?

"I'm telling you, Bella, I didn't know you were fucking pregnant, I- I... oh my God, I have a son, a son, I'm a father," He started freaking out, saying he couldn't breathe and stuff.

Alice went over to him; kneeling beside him and holding his face, "Fucking look at me, Edward; breathe, watch me," She took deep breathes in and out. He copied her. "Good, keep doing it, with me, in and out," She instructed.

After a few quiet minutes of breathing, he was better.

"Thank you," He said softly.

She nodded and said something else to him; something we couldn't hear before sitting back down.

"You really didn't know?" I asked him. Not like the panic attack didn't say it all but still.

He shook his head, "She must have taken my phone when I was doing something, in the bathroom probably, fucking bitch," He muttered.

"Well, she also forged your name, because I sent you papers to sign over your parental rights and you did," His eyes threatened to pop out of his head, "But, they aren't legal, because you have to go to court and you can't sign over the internet, so you still have rights, but your name isn't on his birth certificate," I told him.

He nodded, looking at me wearily, "What now?" He asked.

"What do you want to do? Do you want to be in Caleb's life? I can't have you coming in and out like you please, Edward, I don't want him fucked up like your-" I broke off.

"No, I get it, like my dad did to me, I understand, I want to be in his life, Bella, if you'll let me," His voice had a begging edge to it.

"Like I said, the law says you have rights, as his father, so I can't stop you from seeing him, he is your son," I retorted before realizing my tone was too harsh.

_Calm down, Bella._

"My son, I still can't believe that, he's beautiful," He whispered.

"He's you, I saw you everyday; it killed me, that little boy in there is you inside and out, even his mannerisms are you, he will give me the same looks as you used to give me; at first, I didn't know if I could do it -handle it- but I had to, I'm the only thing he had, so I sucked it up," I said.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," He truly looked sorry, "Caleb... is he happy?" He asked.

I nodded, "Yes, he's a very happy baby, well, big boy now, he'll get at you about calling him a baby, but, yeah, he's happy, he's never gone without, so..." I looked down at my fingers.

"And he has a... father?" I could hear the pain in his voice as he looked at Danny.

"Yes, Danny, he's been there since day one and Caleb knows him as dad," I said and Danny squeezed my hand; encouraging me.

Now, Danny and Edward were looking at each other, and it felt so weird, knowing that one was my past and one was my present and hopefully future.

"I-" Edward began but Danny interrupted.

"Let me be real with you Edward, I'm not happy you're here but if you're saying that you didn't know this whole time then you deserve a chance but if you hurt that little boy... I'm not responsible for my actions, we're all adults; we can be friends and make this easy on Caleb or we can be enemies but I won't have Caleb getting caught in the middle of all our bullshit, understand?" Danny said.

Edward nodded, "I don't want to fuck him up," He whispered.

"Then don't," Danny said, "It's parenthood, Edward, it's not going to be perfect, they're going to be good and bad days, you're going to fuck up but that's what it's all about, it's a learning process and you learn as you go, I'm still learning and I'm sure that will never change."

"Will you give me a chance?" He asked; his eyes weary and on me.

"He's your son, Edward, if you want to be in his life then be in it but don't fuck him up, I will never forgive you if you did, _he _will never forgive you," I said harshly.

"When do you think I can meet him?" Edward asked.

I looked at Danny; telling him with my eyes to answer that.

"I think we should get to know each other first before we involve Caleb, Bella and I have to find a way to tell him that I'm not his real father, we weren't exactly planning on you coming into the picture," Danny explained.

Edward nodded in understanding, "Thank you," He said quietly and I could see how much he had changed.

"I just have one question, why would you stay with her, Edward? After everything that happened?" I asked.

He looked ashamed, "I...I was lonely and I didn't have anyone else after you left, so I stayed with what was left, it's not something I'm proud of and if I could go back I would change it all, just, let me prove to you that I'm a changed person," He begged.

I nodded, "I guess time will only tell," I agreed.

"Okay," Esme said, her eyes spilling with tears, "Shall we eat now?" She asked.

We all laughed and dug into dinner; the baby monitor close by and my hand in Danny's, where it belonged.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Opus 20- Dustin O'Halloran  
_**

* * *

Edward: Hey, Bella, this Edward, I got a new number.

Bella: Thanks for letting me know! I appreciate it!

Edward: Do you think you and I could, maybe, meet up and talk? Just the two of us?

Bella: Sure, where did you want to meet up?

Edward: Starbucks? I mean, do you want to make it a public place?

Bella: That would probably be better for us, right?

Edward: I guess... So, Starbucks at, say, 8am?

Bella: Why so early?

Edward: Just thought it would be more convenient for you, seeing as you have Caleb and all.

Bella: Danny's here, so he'll take care of him.

Edward: Are you going to tell him?

Bella: I don't know.

Edward: Will he still let you come if he knows it's by yourself?

Bella: Probably not. It's not that he doesn't trust me. It's that he doesn't trust you.

Edward: I understand.

Bella: I'll see you at 8am, Edward.

Edward: See you then, Bella.

I wasn't going to tell Danny. I didn't want him to worry and I didn't want to start an argument, which I knew it would. Edward was the cause of all of our arguments lately. I was nervous about seeing Edward. There was still something there and I knew he felt it too. Danny could feel it; that's why there was so much tension between us. I could see the way he looked at me now, like there was only so much time but I knew who was bad and who was good for me.

So, I set my alarm clock for seven. I told Danny I was going to have coffee with Alice and then texted Alice to cover for me. She agreed, of course, but not before teasing me first. I didn't dress up. I didn't want him to think I was doing it for him. No, instead I wore tiny black short shorts and my cut-off army t-shirt with my flip flops.

"You're the hottest mom I ever knew," Danny told me as he eyed me sleepily from the bed.

I giggled and shook my butt, "Thanks." I winked at him and kissed him once more before I headed out to go have coffee with my baby daddy.

When I pulled up, Edward was leaning against his blue Audi S4 Cabriolet; looking fucking gorgeous as usual. Fucker.

"Wow," I murmured, "What a fucking beautiful car."

He smirked, "Isn't she?" He replied cockily and I saw the way his eyes traveled up my body slowly.

"When do I get to drive it?" I asked with my eyebrow raised.

He laughed, "We can take a drive if you want," He offered.

It was my turn to laugh, "Us in a car together? Yeah, I don't think so," I said and then started toward the Starbucks; Edward followed me.

His long legs were faster than I was and he reached the door first; opening it for me. I rolled my eyes at him but thanked him just the same. We stood at the counter awkwardly and I shifted from side to side staring at the menu board.

"Hmmm." I hummed as I chewed on my lip.

"Let me order for you?" Edward asked me.

I squinted my eyes at him and pouted but said fine.

"Can I please have a Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappunccino and a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino," He ordered.

I smiled, knowing which one was mine; happy with his order for me. It was sick how much he knew me. Disgusting and wrong. I hated it but I loved it. He looked over at me and saw my grin. We shared a secret smile that told him I was happy about it.

"Let's sit and I'll grab the drinks when they're ready," He said and lead the way.

I sat down; crossing my ankles as I did and stared at Edward. We didn't say anything for a long minute; the silence growing between us like this invisible mass. I waited for him to say something. I was always waiting for him it seemed.

"We have a son," He finally broke the silence.

I nodded, my bottom lip trapped between my teeth, "We do."

"How did this happen? I mean..." He broke off when they called his name for the drinks.

When he came back, sitting my drink gently in front of me, I looked up at him.

"We had sex, Edward, December 21st, 2009, and we didn't use a condom, you took my virginity and got me pregnant and broke my heart all in one night," I told him.

He grimaced, "You remember the exact day?" He looked surprised.

"It was the night our son was conceived, of course I remember, I also carry around a lot of scars from that night, our... relationship or whatever you want to label it as was fucked up, I thought I was in love with you and I gave you something that was important to me, you were the first guy I was ever with and you broke my fucking heart, you fucked me up, Edward, and when Caleb was born, I saw you everyday in that kid's face; in what he did and how he acted, everything reminded me of you and it tore me up, I wanted to get away from you and everything you did but it kept coming back, it was always right there in my face, all the time, I'll never regret having Caleb because he is the best thing I've ever done but if I could, I would go back and change everything about that night, maybe I wouldn't have gone through your phone but... still, where would that have left me? I would have still found out down the line and I would have still been hurt, and what if I stayed with you anyway and we had Caleb? Would that have changed you? Would you have stopped? I'm not sure and I can't go back; I've done what I've done and I don't regret it, meeting Danny was a... God send, without him I don't know where Caleb and I would have been," I stopped to breathe.

Edward was tracing the lip of his cup; collecting the escaped whipped cream and cookie crumble, "I- I don't know what to say, Bella, I was a fucking asshole, I've made horrible mistakes and I know nothing I can say can fix that but maybe one day, you can forgive me?" He looked up and stared at me and I saw the hope in his clear blue eyes.

I stared back at him, "Why did you do it? Why did it have to be her?" I demanded.

He knew who I was talking about. "She was easy." He said simply.

I sighed heavily, "I gave you sex, that wasn't enough for you? You had to have more? From a blonde, gross ass STD-filled skank?" I asked, lowering my voice.

"I'm not trying to use this as an excuse but... you remember my father and what he used to do to me, how he fucked me up, I just reacted and I reacted badly, I took that rage I had toward him and went and fucked everything I could, I'm not proud of it, Bella, I was disgusting and when I look back at what I did, to you, to Alice, to everyone, I want to be sick, after you left, I stayed with her because there was no one else and everyday I would look at myself in the mirror and see the disgusting shell of a man I was," His eyes welled up with tears and I slid my hand on top of his out of reflex, "And then my mom met Carlisle, the DILF," His eyes sparkled as he teased me, "And things got better, Carlisle gave me the love and attention I needed, _craved_, and he made me see what I was doing to myself and how it was affecting others, he asked me if I wanted to die at such a young age and when I said 'Maybe it would be for the best' he made me go into therapy; at first I hesitated, I didn't want to spill my secrets to a stranger but, Leah, my therapist, was patient and understanding; she didn't judge me and I was able to talk to her; tell her all the things I had been wanting to say for years," He paused and looked up at me, through me, "I hate my father."

I squeezed his hand, "Do you still talk to her?" I asked.

He smiled, "Every Thursday at nine AM," He told me.

I nodded, "Maybe... never mind," I dismissed the thought.

"You want to talk to her?" He wondered.

I nodded again, shyer this time, "With you, maybe?" I whispered.

I could see the hesitation and... panic in his expression, "Okay," He finally agreed.

"I think if we keep doing this, I'll be ready for you to meet Caleb," I told him.

He perked up then, "Tell me more about him?" He smiled.

So I began to tell him about our son and all the things he had missed in the past year and a half. I told him about Caleb's favorite color (At the moment, it changed daily) and how he hated peas but loved carrots - only if they had ranch on them. He still sucked his thumb when he was nervous. He had a favorite stuffed animal lion named Max that he carried everywhere with him. When he was a year old he fell and broke his pinkie; that was the scariest moment for me so far. I knew his different cries - the tired one, the hungry one, the angry one, the frustrated one, the hurt one. I told him how I played Mozart every night for Caleb and he still, to this day, listened to it while he was falling asleep. He was really into Thomas The little engine that could. His favorite word was Dude. He could beat you in a staring contest. He could hold his breath for thirty seconds (Or so we let him believe). He loved Wallace and Gromit; even though he'd seen it a million times, it could watch all day long and not get bored of it. He liked to be called a big boy and if you called him a baby, he would give you the death stare. He was such a happy kid and he loved to smile. He was always getting into things; always curious about everything. He wanted to be a Vet when he grew up so he could help all the animals.

"He sounds incredible," Edward whispered as his thumb stroked mine.

I wanted to pull away but keep it there just to feel him touching me again.

"I should probably go, Caleb will be up and I know how he gets when I'm not there when he wakes up," I told him as I stood.

He stood with me and we walked out together; our shoulders brushing. He walked me to my car and I stood there, not knowing what else to say, before he leaned in and brushed his lips against my cheek. My skin burst into flames and I sighed quietly. He heard it though and chuckled softly - oh, how I loved that sound.

"I'll see you later, Bella, text me and let me know you got home safely." He pulled away; his eyes were shining brightly.

I nodded, "I will," I promised and then I was in my car; driving home in a daze.

_Wonder, fear, sorrow, happiness, confusion, elation, joy, rush, intoxication, dizziness, disorientation. _Just a few emotions I felt when I was around Edward and I loved it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_So sorry for the delay! I'm moving across the country! It's been hectic packing and everything. Moving sucks. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!_**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Warning: Drunk Bella in this chapter. There are many different types of drunks, Bella and I are similar in this one. I'm the take my clothes off and make out with my best friend and then cry about it type. It's always with the same best friend though. Haha. I'm sure we've all done stuff we're not proud of. Be safe and smart._**

**_Songs: White Blank Page- Mumford and sons_**

* * *

I stayed awake; staring at the ceiling.

Bella: I'm confused.

Edward: About what?

Bella: You. Everything.

Edward: I don't want to confuse you. I know what I want. It's more complicated for you since you're in a relationship.

Bella: I'm so fucked up. Can you tell your therapist that I'm coming with you to see her on Thursday?

Edward: I already did.

Bella: What did she say?

Edward: That it was a good idea.

Bella: At least one of us is sure.

Edward: What's that supposed to mean?

Bella: Just that I'm fucked up in the head from everything that happened.

Edward: I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't want you to be fucked up in the head.

Bella: Well, it's kinda too late for that.

Edward: But we can change it.

Bella: Idk if we can.

Edward: Nothing is ever too late.

Bella: Is that what you think about us?

Edward: I will never give up hope on us; in my mind there will always be a chance.

Bella: What if there isn't?

Edward: Don't say that.

Bella: I'm serious. What if I'm too fucked up?

Edward: Then we can be fucked up together.

Bella: You really fucking hurt me, Edward.

Edward: Let me fix it, Bella, even if it takes me a hundred years, I'll never stop trying.

Bella: It might take a hundred years.

Edward: I'm not going anywhere.

Bella: You are breaking my heart, Edward. Killing me.

Edward: Because I love you?

After that I didn't text him back. Couldn't. I didn't know what love was. Love was a throb in my chest. A bruise on my heart. I was a child when Edward broke my heart. A child when I had my child. A child when I left my home. Just a child. And now, with my emotions fucked up, I feel like a child again. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until some time in the afternoon, something I never did. Later that day, more texts came.

Edward: Come over for dinner? Alice wants you to.

Bella: And you? Do you want me to?

Edward: I always want to see you.

Bella: Promise you won't talk like this to me? I won't be able to handle it.

Edward: I promise I'll try to be on my best behavior.

Bella: No crosses count!

Edward: Jeez, Bella, what is this? Fifth grade? No crosses count.

Bella: Good.

Edward: So, 6pm?

Bella: Sure.

Edward: Can't wait. X.

My heart was torn into a million directions. I wanted him but I didn't trust him and I didn't want -no, _couldn't_- hurt Danny. I loved Danny. He was safe.

Alice: Change of plans! Instead of dinner, let's go out to the club! I wanna dance!

Bella: Idk about that.

Alice: Come on! It'll be fun! You need to have fun! When's the last time you really had fun?

Bella: Why are you always right? -_-

Alice: Because I know all! LOL.

Bella: Ugh. It's true. Okay. What time?

Alice: 9:30pm? Come over and get ready?

Bella: Cool. See you then.

Alice: Awesome! Later (:

Bella: Later (:

I made dinner for Danny and Caleb. He could tell I was being distant.

"Do you want Esme to watch Cale and you come with me?" I asked him.

He stared at me, his eyes sad, "I don't want to impose on your girls night," He said dully.

"You're not, do you want to come or not?" I demanded, hands on my hips. I really didn't want to argue in front of Caleb.

"No, I really don't, and I don't want you to go, I want us to talk, but I know you'll do whatever the fuck you want," He whispered the last part.

My eyebrows shot up, "Whatever, Danny, I'm not doing this," I growled and yanked Caleb out of his high chair before leaving the room.

"Mommy mad?" Caleb asked with his finger in his mouth.

"Not at you, baby," I soothed as I carried him to his room so I could read him his story and put him down for bed.

"Good." He decided.

An hour later, after Caleb was asleep, I stood in front of my floor length mirror; checking myself out.

I was in this pure white one flutter slit sleeve dress. It fit me like a glove; hugging every curve of my body. It barely covered my ass and I knew if I bent over, everyone would get a show. It was a really pretty dress. I looked angelic almost. I slipped into my heeled ankle boots. I grabbed my purse, kissed Caleb once more, and made my way over to the Cullens to get ready. I didn't even knock on the door, I just went inside.

"Damn," I heard Edward's voice and it made me freeze.

I turned my head and took him in. Why did he have to look so fucking good? Black slacks, a navy blue cotton tee and a black plaid shirt pulling it together covered his tall, lean body. He looked so damn sexy. He had scruff on his gorgeous face that made him look older. _His tall, lean body_. Mmmm. Yup, I was pretty sure I was drooling. I wiped my mouth just to be sure.

"God, I'm so fucked," I said as I stared at him.

His eyebrows shot up, "Huh?" He looked amused.

"Our son looks exactly like you, I'm going to be pulling the sluts off of him when he gets older," I told him.

His eyes went wide for a second at 'our son' but then he smirked, back to his old self in no time, "Good thing I'm your baby daddy then and not some ugly dude," He said, trying to lighten the mood.

I held his gaze, "I really wish it was some ugly dude." I replied before turning and walking up the stairs to find Alice.

"Ahhh!" She squealed when she saw me, "You are SO hot!" She yelled at me.

I giggled, feeling better already, "I just need you to beautify me and I'm ready," I told her.

She smiled widely, "Who you trying to impress?" She teased as she went to work on my face.

I sighed heavily, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Al, I'm so confused, I don't know what's right and what's wrong, Edward hurt me so fucking bad but I still..._feel _things for him, strong things, and I don't know what to do about it," I confessed.

She looked at me sadly, "I can't tell you what to do, let's list the pros and cons," She suggested and I laughed at her. She was crazy.

"Okay, I'll do Danny first. Pros... he's sweet, amazing, emotionally there, good with kids, good with commitment, loves me, loves Caleb, wants a family with me, has always been there for me since day one, handsome," I listed out.

"Okay, now the cons," Alice urged.

"Hmm. Sometimes he's distant, jealous, clingy... I don't know, that's normal though, most guys are like that," I said with a shrug.

She giggled, "Okay, pros for Edward," She said and then added, "None."

I laughed loudly, "Well, he can be insanely sweet when he wants to be, he's so freaking sexy, I'm so attracted to him and not just his body but what's inside, and... he says he loves me," I whispered that last part.

"What?" She screeched, "He told you he loved you? When?!" She demanded.

"Last night, after I got back from having that... date with him at Starbucks," I told her. Fuck, I was a terrible person.

She nodded, "Cons?" She wanted me to continue.

"There's only one, he broke my heart."

"That's a pretty big one," She murmured.

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose it is, how am I going to trust him again?" I asked her, needing her to tell me what to do even though I knew she wouldn't.

"I guess over time he'll have to show you that you can trust him again, I mean, it won't happen over night but it'll happen," She assured me and that's all I needed.

"Okay, enough of the heavy, let's go get our dance on!" I shouted.

She was wearing this super tight, super short hot pink dress and black Jimmy Choos that I swear were eight inches. I would have died in them but she looked hot! We took Alice's yellow 911 turbo Porsche which forced me to sit uncomfortably on Edward's lap. He kept putting his hands on my thighs and I kept pushing them away. He sighed heavily. It would be a long night indeed.

When we got in, the music was loud and there was a lot of bodies swaying together. I smiled and looked at Alice. She nodded. This is exactly what I needed. _Get Lucky - Daft Punk Ft Pharrell Williams. _I was grinding against Alice as the song blared around us. Her hands were on my hips as I pushed my ass into her groin. I slid back up her body until I was standing straight and turned; wrapping my arms around her neck. She smiled at me and reached up; tucking my hair behind my ear.

We drank and drank. I was finally letting lose. Finally able to be a kid, even if only for a night. After a few minutes, I was sweating, like sweat pouring off of me and I couldn't understand why. The song - _Pursuit of happiness - Kid Cudi (Steve Aoki remix) _- kept playing the same line over and over: I'm screaming out fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that.

I went to take a step back and felt myself bump into someone. When I turned, I realized it was Edward.

"Hey! Edward! Wow! You are... you are so fucking beautiful! You wanna make another baby?" I asked.

His eyes went wide, making me crack up for some reason, and he tilted his head, "Are you drunk?" He asked.

I smiled and shook my head; it felt heavy like lead.

Alice licked her lips and went in for the kill. Holy shit. I was kissing my best friend! Biting my lips and pulling on my hair; making me oh so much hotter than what I already was. But then it was gone and I was being lifted. Someone was carrying me away. I struggled in their arms.

"Put me down!" I shrieked; making everyone look at me.

He ignored me and kept walking until we were outside. We were in a cab then and I was going nuts.

"Please, Edward, I can't, I feel like my skin is burning off, I need to take my dress off, seriously, please," I started to cry.

"Bella, baby, please, don't cry, I'm going to take you home and you'll be okay, you need to sleep this off," He told me as he crushed me to his body.

I was on his lap and I looked up, "Kiss me," I demanded him.

He shook his head, "Bella, no," He turned me down.

I wasn't taking no for an answer though and I shoved my tongue down his open mouth. He tasted better then I remembered, like sin and lust and Edward and heaven.

"I want you to fuck me so bad, I want to ride your dick, Edward," I whispered as I sucked his neck.

"Please, Bella, you're killing me," He groaned; holding my hips so I couldn't move.

When we pulled up to his house, I jumped out and started taking off my clothes; leaving them in the sand behind me. I didn't know how I made it inside but the next thing I knew, I was collapsing onto a familiar bed.

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

_Tell me that you need me. Tell me that you want me._ It was playing from a radio nearby way too loudly.

I groaned and flipped onto my back; covering my eyes with my arm.

"Hey," A voice I knew so well whispered.

I moved my arm to look at him, "Hey," I said back.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. He looked so damn good in the mornings. Fucker.

"Like dog shit," I said honestly.

He frowned, "I'm sorry, I made you breakfast," He offered me a plate.

I smiled, "Hmmm. French toast, bacon and toast, I think I've died and gone to heaven," I inhaled deeply.

I let my eyes scan him and realized he was shirtless. I swear I salivated. I noticed he had a tattoo on his left pec. It was written in beautiful cursive: _But tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart._

"That's a beautiful tattoo," I commented as I ate.

"Mmm. Oh. Yeah. Thanks," He replied; looking distracted.

"Edward," I put my fork down, "Please forgive me for anything I did last night," I pleaded.

He shook his head, "You didn't do anything." He shrugged.

My memory was a little fuzzy but I did remember he and I kissing, "Edward, I know I forced you to kiss me and I am so sorry, I never act like that, I've never done drugs before," I lowered my voice.

"You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do, Bella," He said.

"Did we do anything more then kiss?" I wondered.

He hesitated before shaking his head, "No," He finally said.

Fuck. We had done more stuff and he just wasn't telling me.

"Did we use a condom?" I wanted to know.

His eyes snapped to mine and he smirked, "Bella, you'd remember if I fucked you," He said cockily.

"Then what did we do, Edward? You're acting really weird," I huffed.

"You had those hands on my dick, okay? And I'm acting weird because I'm fucking in love with you and you're with another guy, it's fucking tearing me up inside," He grumbled and then stood up, "Caleb is probably awake," was all he said before leaving.

I sat there, dumbfounded and confused and angry with myself but most of all, torn up. I didn't know what to do. I felt so bad because I wanted Edward, so much. Everyone was right, young people, nineteen year olds didn't know what love was. At least I didn't because my heart was torn in two and I wasn't sure what to do. Now, I had to go back over to Danny and face him. _Shit_.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer gets it all because she's a lucky bitch :)_**

**_So sorry for the delay! I'm moving across the country! It's been hectic packing and everything. Moving sucks. _**

**_I know some of you guys are anti-Edward in this story but it is marked as a BxE story. I'm in love with Edward and Bella's relationship in every way and I always want them together in the end. Some relationships are more complicated than others. I've watched many of my friends go through something similar to what is happening in this story now. Everything isn't always cut and dry; flowers and sunshine. Some times life sucks and relationships are hard! You're emotions get in the way and cloud your judgement. I know, certain people would handle in a different way then I made Bella but you also have to remember that she's still a 'teenager' in this story and doesn't know what she wants. This is the way the story is going and that's the way I'm going to write it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! _**

**_Also, please excuse any mistakes! This hasn't been beta-ed._**

**_R&R, please!  
_**

**_Songs: Everything has changed - Taylor Swift_**

* * *

I sat in front of Danny with my legs tucked in front of me.

My hair was piled atop of my head in a messy bun and my eyes eyes were red from crying. He wore a stoic expression as he stared at me with his blue eyes.

"Please, Danny, please say something," I begged him.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? You made your decision last night," He finally said.

"So that's it? After everything we've been through, you're just going to through it all away because I made a mistake?" I questioned; rubbing my nose.

"_I'm _just going to let it all go? I'm not the one who made out with my ex," His eyes were angry.

"I was drunk and it was a stupid mistake!" I tried to rationalize.

"So that makes it okay?!" He demanded.

"No, it doesn't, but I know we can work this out, I'll do whatever you want, I'll go to couples therapy with you, I'll do whatever," I said desperately.

The look he wore killed me. He looked at me as if he were disappointed. "You know they always say that drunks tell the truth," He told me. I went to refuse it but he held up his hand, "I need some time to think." And then he got up and left me sitting there on our bed.

I continued to sit there; staring off into space before Caleb started calling my name.

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

Edward and I were sitting in front of his therapist.

Leah Clearwater was a beautiful woman. Her skin was a russet color, telling me she was of Native American decent, her dark hair fell to her shoulders and her eyes were brown. She introduced herself and we shook hands.

"So, Bella, tell me a little about yourself," She urged.

I laced my fingers together and placed them in my lap, "Well, I -umm- _we _have a son together who is almost two, I had him just after my eighteenth birthday, I told Edward about Caleb, or so I thought, but it turned out that his...girlfriend at the time interfered and he didn't find out that he was a father, he never knew and...I thought he didn't want Caleb so I moved on, I met another man, Danny, and he helped me, he was with me through my pregnancy and he was there for the birth, he was the first one to hold Caleb; he's the only father Caleb's ever known, and then in one night I ruined everything by making out with Edward, he left me, he told me that I still had feelings for Edward and that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do, I hurt him so bad and it's all because I'm so confused about everything," Once I started, I couldn't stop. "I feel like everything is crashing around me and I have no way to stop it."

She nodded thoughtfully, "I think once you've sorted out your thoughts and feelings everything will fall into place," She said.

"And how can I do that?" I asked her, desperately seeking any advice.

"I think you and Edward should continue coming here to see me and talk, talking is the only thing that can help, clear the air, so to speak, because there is a lot of history between the two of you," She told me before pausing and saying, "Oh, and Bella? You need to decide if you want to try and fix things with Danny or Edward."

"What if I don't want to fix anything with anyone? What if I just want to be alone? Dealing with other peoples emotions are so hard," I replied stubbornly.

Edward placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed, "I want to have a relationship with you, Bella, you already know that but it has to go both ways and you have to want it too," He said strongly.

"What if I don't know what I want anymore, Edward? I'm so fucking confused with everything that's happening," I felt the tears build.

"Please don't cry, baby," Edward whispered before pulling me into his arms.

I cried into his neck while Leah watched us. After I stopped crying and Edward wiped my nose with his shirt; making me laugh, I turned back to Leah. I apologized for messing up the session by crying.

"You didn't mess up anything, Bella, but I think you know what the answer to your question is and I think you've known all along."

.

.

.

P.O.Y.

.

.

.

I pulled up to Leah's office on a Monday morning.

I got out and picked Caleb up out of his car seat.

"I a big boy," He mumbled sleepily as I carried him toward the fancy building. _I'm a big boy._

I spotted Edward's car and my heart started to pound. This was going to be it. Edward was going to meet our son for the first time. He was going to see his long lost baby. I pushed the button for the elevator and we slowly made our way up to the fourth floor.

"Ellie-vator?" Caleb asked, his eyes still closed as he drooled on my neck. _Elevator?_

"That's right, baby, we're in an elevator," I agreed.

He dozed off again until the elevators dinged and opened. As I stepped out, he lifted his head and looked around before laying his head back down on my chest. I pulled open the door to room 406 and walked in.

"Hi, I have an appointment with Dr. Clearwater at 8:30, I'm Bella Swan," I told the receptionist.

"Okay, have a seat and I'll let her know you are here," She responded while smiling at Caleb.

Caleb being the little flirt he was waved at her. I rolled my eyes and went to sit down. Thankfully Edward wasn't out there and I wondered if he was already back with Leah; preparing for this. Caleb sat on my lap awkwardly with his face still buried in my neck.

After a few minutes, the doors opened and Leah stuck her head out, "Bella? Come on back," She told me with a wave.

I stood and carried Caleb with me, "Sorry, he's still sleepy, car rides put him out like a light," I said as I followed her back into her office.

She opened the door and my heart was in my throat as I saw Edward. He was sitting in the corner with his ankles crossed and a tense expression on his face.

"Good morning," I greeted as I went in and sat down.

"Hey," He replied but his eyes were fixated on Caleb.

"Caleb, baby, can you wake up for mommy?" I asked him as I gently rubbed his back.

He shook his head but opened his eyes. He stuck his finger in his mouth when he noticed people staring at him.

"Who dez people, mommy?" He wondered. _Who are these people, mommy?_

"These are mommy's friends, this is Miss Leah and this is Edward," I introduced him.

I had no clue how to introduce him to Edward. I wondered if just telling him that Edward was his dad would be too much for him to handle and understand. How would I tell him that Danny would no longer be in his life? That we would be living in Florida now. Was I going to fuck up his life because I was an idiot? God, I was a mess. I had no idea what to do.

"Hi, Caleb, my, you are such a handsome young man," Leah told him.

He smiled, loving the compliment, "I this many," He held up two fingers. _I'm this many._

"Wow! You're such a big boy! And smart too!" She exclaimed.

He nodded, eager to empress her, and told her about how he could count to ten. She _ooohed_ and _ahhhed_ over him before she started to tell him about Edward.

"Caleb, this is your mommy's very special friend, do you see him over there? He's really happy to meet you," She said gently.

He looked over at Edward and offered a small wave to which Edward bit his lip and dropped his head. I thought he was crying. I didn't know this would be such a profound moment for him. I wasn't sure how he would react to everything but this reaction pleased me.

"Are you cwying? Don't cwy, I fix it," Caleb told him and then hopped off my lap to go hug him. _Are you crying? Don't cry, I'll fix it._

Edward looked shocked as he picked Caleb up and settled him on his lap. Caleb wrapped his arms around Edward's neck and hugged him. He wiped Edward's cheek dry with his tiny hands, which only made Edward cry harder, and then offered him his lips. Edward leaned in and pressed his lips to Caleb's. Tiny hands pressed against Edward's cheeks as Caleb stared into his eyes. They seemed to make a connection right away and something in Caleb's expression shifted.

"Daddy?" He asked cautiously.

Edward sucked in a breath and looked over at me. I looked at Leah; not knowing what to do. We all stayed silent as Caleb continued.

"You have my eyes, gween, mommy says gween eyes are spwecial." _You have my eyes, green, mommy says green eyes are special._

"Green eyes are very special," Edward finally spoke, "Not a lot of people have green eyes."

"We do," Caleb replied.

"We do, we're special," Edward agreed.

Caleb looked at him thoughtfully, "Spwecial?" He questioned, unsure if it was a good or bad thing. _Special?_

Edward nodded, "Special, and that's a good thing, you want to be special, only certain people are special," He reassured him.

"Onwly us? Not mommy?" His bottom lip pushed out in his trademark pout. _Only us? Not mommy?_

"Mommy is special too, she's the one that brought you into the world," Edward tried to explain but all Caleb was worried about was making sure I was special too; once he made sure I was, he didn't really care anymore.

"So, Caleb, do you want to hang out with Edward some more? Do you want to be his friend?" I asked him.

He nodded, his little head bobbing, "I want to spend all da days wif him!" He exclaimed with his hand on Edward's cheek. _I want to spend all my days with him!_

"Good because he really wants to be your friend!" I told him.

"We go get bestfest now?" He asked Edward; staring intently at him. _Can we go get breakfast now?_

Edward looked at me and asked me with his eyes if it was okay.

I nodded, "What do you want for breakfast, baby?" I asked Caleb.

"Nancakes!" He squealed happily; bouncing on Edward's lap. _Pancakes!_

"Are pancakes okay?" I asked Edward and he nodded quickly; I had a feeling he would have eaten anything just to spend more time with Caleb. I stood up, "Okay, baby, let's go get pancakes."

We said goodbye to Leah. I thanked her profusely and told her we would be back next week for another session. She was happy that I wanted to continue seeing her with Edward. Edward carried Caleb as we got into the elevator together. Caleb babbled; telling Edward everything he had missed in his life. It was really a sweet moment, even though we had no idea what Caleb was talking about half the time.

We took my car since I didn't feel like switching out the car seats. Edward didn't say anything and I turned on the radio for Caleb. He did lace his fingers through mine though; telling me that he was there and everything would be okay. I wasn't sure though. He kept turning around to look at Caleb as if he thought he would disappear. When we got to IHop, the waitress put us in a table instead of a booth and brought over a high chair for Caleb. I thanked her and watched as Edward lifted Caleb and put him in the wooden chair. We ordered coffee for ourselves and juice for Caleb. He and Caleb colored while we waited for our pancakes to arrive.

As we ate breakfast, some people that were leaving would tell us what a beautiful family we were. I blushed but Edward looked proud and thanked every single one of them. He cut Caleb's pancakes up for him and watched him intently; afraid he may choke or something. While I watched Edward, my baby daddy, fuss over our son I couldn't help but to wonder... what did our future hold for us?


End file.
